#also totally not me remembering halfway through this post

[gyofukuki]

tiny psa. i generally approach things here chronologically, but i maaay try mixing it up for a while, that is, sprinkle in starters and replies for my other critters, even if they are not as old as stuff in shoko's backlog. don't get me wrong -- i really, really wanna get to all these too, but rest of the critters are rattling to get their turn, too

ps. i appreciate your patience but also all and any reminders! my brain is tiiiny and i'm sure i'm forgetting stuff, so please do let me know in any way if i've been owing you stuff for a while and you wanna check in on it orrr anything else really! x

[askyofexplodingstars]

"Cancelling plans is like heroin" - John Mulaney

(Sebatian x reader, they're married)

[sandwhitches]

ೃ༄ 𝐌𝐀𝐑𝐑𝐘 𝐌𝐄? (𝐩𝐭. 𝐈𝐈)

𝗰𝗼𝗻𝘁𝗮𝗶𝗻𝘀: bokuto koutaro, akaashi keiji, iwaizumi hajime, oikawa tooru & sakusa kiyoomi

𝗱𝗲𝘀𝗰: how they pop the question! (hcs + drabbles)

𝗰𝘄: implied fem. reader, mentions of marriage tehehe, mushy corny top romance

𝗮/𝗻: part two yayyyy!!! i wanted to post this earlier in the day but i unfortunately have to be a functioning member of society from time to time blegh. iwa's part is dedicated to my lovely moot @froyaoya who just gets it. sorry for any typos!!! also working on requests from the event still hehehe

(read part 1 here!!!)

𝐁𝐎𝐊𝐔𝐓𝐎 𝐊𝐎𝐔𝐓𝐀𝐑𝐎

» Look at this man, this beautiful blessing of a man, and tell me this is not about to be the showiest proposal ever

» He’s asking you to marry him and he wants EVERYONE to know (in the purest way possible)

» You knew what you were getting yourself into

» Is he nervous? No, maybe, he doesn��t want to think about it, OKAY?!

» Thinks the perfect time is asking you right after MSBY wins at finals, but one of his teammates (because he told them the plan…obviously) is like what are you going to do if we lose???? He almost dies on the spot because he totally forgot that was a possibility whoops

» There’s an easy way around that problem! Just win, duh!

Your heart feels as if it could just beat out of your chest with excitement as the last set ends, MSBY reigning victorious. Mind swimming with unadulterated pride, you’re already halfway down to the court once others begin to flood it, nothing you want more but the man who is currently wading through a crowd in search of you. 

For a brief moment, you pause at the sidelines, unable to find him, then remember Bokuto was probably in the midst of one of many interviews or something else much more important than a simple post-game congratulatory hug. Your conjecture is quickly smashed by the call of your name, paired with your boyfriend’s big, shiny beam of pure joy as he opens his arms for you. You let out a huff of laughter, then hurry over, practically launching yourself into his hold. 

Koutaro exclaims in delight, squeezing you close as he spins you around excitedly, “Did you see?!” You giggle, still holding onto his thick forearms as he places you down, “How could I not?” 

Bokuto’s chest puffs with pride before he bends over ever so slightly to give you a kiss that he’s been thinking about for the better half of the game. He dearly hopes that you didn’t see him dash off the court as soon as he was able to, making a quick job of fishing a ring box from his duffel bag on the sidelines as Atsumu cheered him on. Now, the box sits in the pocket of his uniform shorts, ready to be presented to you. 

“You did so good, Kou!” You add with an endearing smile, chest filling with warmth as his smile broadens upon hearing the praise, “Only because you were watching me.” Bokuto supplies in a chipper response, cheeks flushed. 

“I think you’re good, either way,” you chuckle fondly.

Koutaro clicks his tongue playfully, wagging his head back and forth in disagreement, “Nah, you’re the reason I’ve made it this far, after all.”

Though you beg to differ, it’s nice to hear it. You’re more than positive that Bokuto would have made it this far with or without you, still, you can’t help but count yourself lucky for being along for the ride.

What started as his hopeful attempts to impress you with showy spikes back in high school, what turned into a cramped downtown apartment, and what is now this moment that you share on the court. And while to you all of this seems so extraneous to his performance tonight, Bokuto can surely recognize where his motivation has been coming from, it’s only natural he wants to spend the rest of his life with you. 

“I want to be able to win every game in the future for you!” He declares, and it takes you a moment to register that he’s deadly serious, you’d nearly giggled in response, “I just want you to enjoy yourself, isn’t that what matters?” You speak up a bit over the crowd, head tilting. 

“Well, you’re right,” he shrugs, “But I also think you’re the biggest reason why I keep wanting to get better.” 

The sentiment makes a lump form in your throat, knowing that he doesn’t even mean to flatter you half of the time, he’s being entirely honest with you. That’s one thing you’ll never grow used to about Bokuto, how easily he can say something that knocks the breath out of you, and everything he tells you is undeniably true to what he believes. 

“So, that’s why I hope we can be together forever,” he adds with a simple nod, reaching into his pocket. You’re just about to agree, after all, he says such sappy things like this so often that it’s hard to tell when the words have more weight behind them. This time, you soon realize as he lowers himself to the ground, his words have the weight of the entire world. 

“I love you so much, you know? I’ll never stop, either,” Bokuto presents a ring box that looks absolutely tiny in his large hands, still, he’s ever so gentle in opening it to reveal a large diamond that glitters under the stadium lights. At this point, the people around you have paused their celebratory ministrations to watch, but none of that really matters to you and Bokuto. The most important thing in the world, you can’t ever deny, is the man staring up at you so lovingly. And coincidentally, you just happen to be the most important thing in the world to him, too. 

“I hope you’ll let me love you forever,” he speaks with sheer confidence and pride, as he does with everything else, “Can I marry you?”

𝐀𝐊𝐀𝐀𝐒𝐇𝐈 𝐊𝐄𝐈𝐉𝐈

» Something simple but intimate, that’s just his thing 

» Definitely a winter proposal, Akaashi thinks the snow is just so romantic

» Takes you down to a snowy park to go ice skating (despite contrary belief, you probably had to hold him up almost the entire time, this man doesn’t exactly have any natural grace when it comes to treading ice)

» Afterwards, it’s the standard snow day affair, you two build a snowman and give it a name inspired by one of your countless inside jokes, the both of you engage in snowball warfare, he buys you a cup of cocoa and sits on the bench with you (and yeah, he helps you blow on it, he’s just that perfect)

» What you DON'T know is that all day he’s been waiting for the right moment to reveal the little gift he’s been harboring for you in his back pocket

You can’t remember the last time you felt cold in the winter at all. When you think about it, the icy bite of frozen wind hasn’t nipped at your cheeks in years, perhaps having something to do with the eternal warmth the man beside you incited, the sort of toasty comfort that made your muscles loosen and eyelids go heavy. 

Akaashi’s breath comes out in short, puffy clouds, then rolls out into nothing in a matter of mere seconds. The crunching of snow beneath soles of winter boots fills the silence and makes your heart sing, oh, how you love this time of year. Beside you, however, Keiji is struggling to discern what his instincts are telling him to do. Two separate thoughts of just do it now and wait for another time have been pestering him all day to the point in which he can no longer hold a conversation without feeling a nervous ache in his chest. 

“Ah!” You exclaim with surprise, tilting your chin up ever so slightly towards the cloudy sky. Akaashi peers at you first, then up in the direction you face, realizing that tiny snowflakes are beginning to fall down to earth once more. The world is so quiet during the winter, he thinks, even with the mirth surrounding the two of you in the busy park, the snow will always serve to bolster the sound in its milky white embrace. 

He chuckles to himself as you stick out your tongue, darting it upwards to catch a snowflake, and the sight nearly makes him forget about what he came here to do. If there truly is a perfect time, Akaashi isn’t sure he’ll ever have the confidence to pin it, but right now, things feel okay, they feel right. 

“You’re so beautiful,” he murmurs in a whisper, catching your attention. Akaashi doesn’t miss the snowflake stuck to your eyelashes, nor the stray speckles of snow glittering in your hair like sugar. Your cheeks flush, leaving you to grin sweetly at him in gratitude while he brushes snowflakes from your hair, “You know what I just realized right now?”

You hum, blinking up at him curiously for an answer, eyes training on the subtle upturn of his lips, the crinkle of his reddened nose. 

“I think this is the happiest I’ve ever been in my life.” Your heart swells and a flustered, almost sheepish, giggle falls under your breath at the compliment. Akaashi can be so romantic, sometimes, and it leaves you wondering if he even knows what he’s doing to you…he has to, hasn’t he? Keiji clears his throat, “Actually, that’s what I wanted to ask you about today.”

Furrowing your brows in confusion, you tilt your head at him ever so slightly, “What do you mean?”

Now it’s Akaashi’s turn to let out a sheepish laugh, slipping a knit glove off of one of his hands and placing it into his coat pocket, much to your perplexity. “I wanted to ask if you’d let me have this forever. There’s nothing else I’d really want more than this.” Suddenly, everything clicks in your mind as he reaches into his back pocket and lowers to one knee, that softened grin of his cracking into a wide beam once tears flood into your eyes.

“I want to spend the rest of my life with you, I want to marry you,” the ring he’s since taken from the box shines so brilliantly under snowy sunbeams, and you realize Akaashi was right about one thing, this is the happiest you think you’ve ever seen him. 

“Would you let me have that? Will you marry me?”

𝐈𝐖𝐀𝐈𝐙𝐔𝐌𝐈 𝐇𝐀𝐉𝐈𝐌𝐄

» This is the world’s best boyfriend in case there was any confusion (which there shouldn’t be)

» Unfortunately this man wouldn’t know subtle if it slapped him in the face and stole his lunch money

» If you get your nails done, Iwa always pays for them, but he is oddly persistent about it the week leading up to when he plans to propose…which is kinda suspicious to you but you let it go

» He’s a big nature lover!!! He loves going on hikes with you (and doesn’t even mind in the slightest if he has to wait up for you, all he cares about is spending time together)

» Suggests the two of you go to your favorite trail and is absolutely relieved when you agree (Oikawa’s already headed over to hide in the bushes for three hours with a camera)

Wiping the sweat off your brow, you let release a drawn-out heavy breath of relief to have finally made it past the steep monster of a hill you and Iwaizumi had been dreading to trek. It’s worth it, though, it always is. The past few times that the two of you have gone down this trail, you’ve never lingered long enough to get the perfect view that you’re getting now, overlooking treetops gone vibrant green like everything else in springtime. 

“I thought you weren’t gonna make it for a second,” Hajime snickers, pulling at the collar of his shirt to cool himself down, and you can’t help but ponder why he seems so different today. For one, he’s taken every excuse to put his hands on you, holding your waist or lacing his fingers gently into your own with a periodic squeeze or two. Not to mention, he also can’t seem to be able to take his eyes off of you, which isn’t anything new in the slightest, save for a brand new depth to its usual shine that has puzzled you. 

“Are you kidding?” You scoff playfully, “I’m the one who almost had to drag you the rest of the way!” The two of you both know that is further from the truth than anything, but you still laugh, you always do. How can’t you feel such a dizzying high of joy when you’re together like this? Iwaizumi slips his backpack off his shoulder, presumably to grab a bottle of water, leaving you to admire the view once more. 

Today seems like it was made to be enjoyed, the trail isn’t as humid as it has been before, but it was just as lush, budding with the forest flora of early spring. Hajime noticed this too, in fact, not only is today perfect to enjoy, but he knows for certain it’s perfect for something else. And it’s now or never, he thinks, making sure your back is still turned as he grabs a navy velveted ring box from the front pocket. 

You glance back over your shoulder to make sure Hajime is sharing the view with you, that he too can see how terribly romantic everything can be when you care to notice it. He gulps, quickly tucking his hand behind his back as he comes up to place the other palm on your shoulder with a slight squeeze of affectionate warmth. “So pretty,” you note, knowing it goes without saying. 

Hajime nods, chewing on his lower lip in thought, until he’s unable to fight a shaky grin of excitement. You sigh contentedly, turning to face the sun again, relishing in the spoils of your hard work, and Hajime speaks up once more, “Today is perfect, isn’t it?”

You nod wordlessly, and he stares fondly as ever at the nape of your neck, knowing for certain that anything with you involved will always be perfect. That’s why he’s doing this, isn’t it?

“That’s why I thought today would be nice to ask you this.”

Your brows crease in confusion at the statement, prompting you to glance back over your shoulder again with a hushed hum, only to jump in surprise at the sight of him much lower to the ground than before. A hand flies to clasp at your mouth, Hajime gazes up at you from one knee like you hung the stars in the sky, and in fact, you might as well have. You’re the reason everything in his life is beautiful, why the thought of being without you is worse than death. 

“Don’t cry,” he chuckles adoringly at the sight of you falling apart, knowing it’s hypocritical of him to say with fat tears brimming in his own eyelids. Hajime carefully pops the ring box open, a quivering grin and creased brow are the only things standing between him and weeping.

“You know,” he starts, sniffling, “The only way I want to spend the rest of my life is with you, all I need to be happy is you.”

“Will you let me have the privilege of getting to marry you?”

𝐎𝐈𝐊𝐀𝐖𝐀 𝐓𝐎𝐎𝐑𝐔

» Showpony (in the most loving way possible)

» He was going to have an airplane spell “Will You Marry Me?” in the sky before Iwa shut that down 

» Bottom line, he needs this to be as romantic as possible, it’s the most important night of your relationship by far, after all!

» New Years is right around the corner and what’s more romantic than celebrating another loop around the sun with fireworks?

» I’d imagine you two would be in Argentina so on New Years Eve he’ll suggest that you head down to the beach to watch fireworks pop over the city in the distance

» Much to your surprise, there’s already a picnic set up for the two of you upon arrival (this man is so extra. I cannot.)

Fireworks occupy the inky sky in the distance, brilliant, vivid speckles of light begin to dwindle as they fall to the earth. You’re entranced by the display, the dazzling red of another large firework bursts across the sky like stardust, glittering on its way down. And while the celebration is a sight to see, Oikawa couldn’t keep his eyes on it if he tried.

In his opinion, you were countless times more appealing to stare at, the way your eyes light up when another crackling display of gold goes off in the sky, how the flickering lights make the shadows on your face dance. This is something he could never get sick of, it seems. 

“You’re staring.” You mumble under your breath coyly, giving him a cursory once over, then looking back at the fireworks. Oikawa laughs under his breath, “How could I not? You’re stunning.” 

As he expected, you groan playfully, nudging him, “You are the corniest person I’ve ever met!” Tooru likes this bit, the one where he tells you something he wholeheartedly believes and you pretend you don’t hear the pure sincerity when he says it, “It’s true!” He scoffs in mock-offense, “You’re so gorgeous, am I allowed to say that?” Oikawa tilts his head back with a whine. 

You’re looking at him now, still sitting cross-legged on the beach towel; and Oikawa’s bubbly mood quickly goes flat with the realization that you’re not just beautiful, you’re captivating. He’s not sure what he’s done right in order to be sitting on this beach with you, eyes lingering on the way salty sea air blows gusts of wind past you softly, sending your hair to ripple like tendrils of smoke. 

Just in those few seconds, he knows that he can’t wait any longer to ask you to let him have this view for eternity, and he’s hungry to walk straight into the future knowing you won’t stray too far from him wherever the two of you may end up. Tooru sits up straighter, fixing his sweatshirt as he shifts to rest on his knees, raring to figure out how to begin to say what he wants to. 

You’ve since taken notice of his movement, smiling softly in confusion at him while he gives up on fighting the urge to stare at you, brown eyes glimmering with something warm each time another firework bursts in the sky. “Can I make a promise to you?” Oikawa whispers, head tilted. 

With perplexity, you shrug, then smile with a focused eye on his expression, “Sure.” He clutches your hand, “I promise that I will always be here for you, even if you don’t ask me to be there, I will always make sure you know how much I love you,” Oikawa’s voice goes low with uncharacteristic solemnity, and you’re on the verge of asking him what this is all about before he shifts to one knee, bringing a black ring box from behind him to light. 

You can’t help but gasp, sitting back on two knees, face now leveled with his. You can perfectly see his expression soften, melting into something entirely new. Oikawa knows he is falling in love with you all over again, he’s been the head over heels kind of smitten, but now? Now his love has grown to become a need to have you with him in order to continue on living.

“And I…” the box opens, a diamond reflecting the bright colors spilling across the sky enters your watery vision, “I want to be able to make these promises to you at the altar, and I want to spend my life living up to them.” 

“Will you let me keep my promise and marry you?”

𝐒𝐀𝐊𝐔𝐒𝐀 𝐊𝐈𝐘𝐎𝐎𝐌𝐈

» Wants something quiet, you know? When it’s just the two of you guys, it’s most romantic

» You come home after a tiring day of work and he’s doting on you more than usual (which is saying a lot considering you’re the apple of his eye as it is)

» What’s this? Your hunky boyfriend made you pasta dinner? Oh okay.

» GODDDD no matter how many times you two eat together he always pulls the chair out for you even if it’s just at home, he’s subtle in the loudest ways about how much he loves you 

» Actually pretty nervous because doing something like this is so vulnerable and I can see that as something that frightens him a bit

» But it’s you!!! If there’s anyone he’d ever feel comfortable being 100% vulnerable around, it will always have to be you!

“What’s the special occasion?” You had snickered upon entering your dimly-lit apartment, raising your shoulders to make it easier for Kiyoomi, who’d taken to helping you slip out of your coat as soon as he’d finished kissing you hello. Your boyfriend said something along the lines of, “Just wanted to,” with that airy tone of his, donning a grin much larger than usual. 

Sakusa has never, and never will, be able to get over how utterly beautiful you are. Everything you do makes his chest ache with longing, even after having dated for years, he just has accepted that being around you will always make him go weak with adoration. “This is amazing,” you muse, twirling your fork around on the plate for another bite, “I think you should just take over dinner all the time.” 

The two of you laugh amongst yourselves quietly, “I can see it now, I’d love to come home to you in a frilly apron after work,” you add teasingly, tapping his shin with your socked foot under the table.

Kiyoomi simply shakes his head with a humored scoff, “I’m sure you would,” he drawls, taking a thoughtful sip of wine. He still can’t get over it, even thinking about it right now, you are the most beautiful thing he has ever laid his eyes upon and it’s not fair how easily you can render him speechless. In the candlelight, you remind him of a painting, a set of perfectly carved out features, each one intentionally placed with the utmost amount of care. You’re perfect.

Tonight will be the night that he asks you to please let him devote his life to you, for the simple feeling of him to be able to bask in your radiance. And if that, in your own words, means cooking dinner in a frilly apron for you every night, Kiyoomi struggles to really find any grievances he has with that. 

“I’d gladly do that for you,” Sakusa finally returns, earning a playful quirk of your brows, “Oh?” 

“In fact, you know, I’d really like to do that for you,” Kiyoomi stands up, much to your confusion as he steps to your side of the table. You almost don’t process the way in which he bends over to kiss the crown of your head on his way down to one knee, a hopeful smile on his face. 

“If there’s anything I want you to know, it’s that I’ve wanted to spend the rest of my life with you for a long time, now,” Kiyoomi slips a velvet box from his pocket and your jaw goes slack in surprise, a hand traveling to grasp at the collar of your blouse. 

“You’re the only person I want to spend the rest of my life with because you’re my best friend,” he says, voice faltering with a sudden onslaught of emotions, “And I think…I know that I exist to love you.”

You’re unable to speak, breath caught in your throat and hot tears threatening to overflow onto your warm cheeks, his voice comes out solemn and intentional, “I want to be able to love you for all the time that I’m able to.”

Kiyoomi presents the ring to you, a question he’s been dying to ask you for years forming on his lips as they part to ask it, “Will you marry me?”

[eerna]

can you explain your art techniques a little bit further? I just saw your post about arcane helping you drop line art and stuff, and I wanted to understand better (as someone trying to get into digital art)

Sureee, ty for asking! :)

For the first 7 years of my digital art journey I imitated the comicbook-style art tutorials and techniques artists I liked used. This means that I would start out with a sketch, draw the lineart on another layer on top of the sketch, hide the sketch, use solid blocks of color on separate layers for the coloring, and add lighting effects on top of it all. I was never really happy with how it turned out, and I often felt like I shouldn't have gone past the colored sketch phase because the full render would lose so much life. I used pretty much the same brushes I use now, aside from some textured ones, but not to their full potential because they were painting brushes being used for flat shading. Here's a few examples of fully rendered stuff from 2020-2021:

Then, I realized I do NOT have to do things I don't wanna do, and I can totally remove any steps from the process that I wish! I experimented for a while until I settled on a new thing that worked for me. And so my current process is: draw a sketch, color it all on one layer (base colors), add light effects if needed, add another layer on top of everything, and paint until satisfied with the level of rendering. Then I add optional effects, such as fires or patterns. This means I leave the sketch layer visible, so I have to clean it and base colors with erasers as I work, but it enables me to preserve the sketchy energy. The "all rendering on one layer" approach frees my hand and I don't feel pressure to render everything separately and perfectly, which in turn, ironically, makes my art look more detailed because the eye compensates for unfinished bits. In addition, the line between a colored sketch and a fully rendered piece is much thinner, which means I don't have to commit to completing anything, and that is a big deal for an insecure person prone to artblocks. If I lose interest halfway through the lineart-and-blocks-of-color process, I am left with an unusable piece. If I do it halfway through the painting process, I get a charming, messy piece a la my recent Chappell Roan art (I left the armor unfinished, and yet it doesn't clash with the rest of the art). Here's a recreation I did to show what a big difference the different approach makes:

So why didn't I stop doing lineart sooner? I did try, but my attempts tried to replicate what I did when painting traditionally, instead of adjusting to my digital abilities, so it usually looked whack. I remember showing my friends the Rito Village piece back in 2019, which was painted based on a screenshot from the game, and one of them telling me "Don't go back to lineart!" I was like "YEAH I am NOT going back to lineart!!! I will keep painting!!!" Only to realize that painting landscapes with already stylized references and painting portraits were completely different. Here's a painting portrait from one of those trial and error attempts. Later I realized the mistake was working on TOP of the sketch, as I would have done for traditional work, instead of both below AND on top of it - after all, my intention was to preserve the life of the sketch, which was impossible when I couldn't even see it. I also didn't understand color values (or honestly, any color aspects) very well, resulting in some low-contrast, unappealing blobs.

So yeah, my advice to any beginner digital artist is: experiment and figure out what works for you. Think about what makes you happy when creating, and build your process around it. Also, keep researching art theory and applying it to your work. Good luck to you and all other digital artists~

[shakespearean-dream]

TW!!! — blood, scarring and mild body horror ahead 🥲

benny’s turn!

before i start i wanna clarify i hesitated a bit on posting this because lovely mutual @vor-leser just posted his benny interpretation (go look at it and follow him btw), and idk if we like mind melded or smth but our human benny’s are super similar LOL. i damn near scrapped the whole thing out of fear someone would get mad at me but i Would Not be able to start over and get this done ever so this is as good as we’re gonna get. 😭 my apologies niko love u /p

this has been like a full 7 days in the making 😭😭 the art block that i felt coming on while doing ellen and ted hit me like an optimus prime sized semi truck this week along with a depressive episode so i definitely appreciate that happening and i am not upset about it at all! /s i’m totally good so don’t worry or anything /gen, mental health is just weird and i also wanted to explain the gap in my posts 😔

i do not know how to feel about this drawing if i’m so fr with you; i’m proud of myself for AM-ified benny cause i think i got the slowly rotting from the inside out primal freak energy down pretty good, but on the other hand this feels kinda empty?? i usually have a lot more commentary squished in here but i think my brain’s a little fried 🤦‍♂️ i love drawing me some beautiful buff men though so drawing normal ben was familiar territory. however his wack ass haircut i gave him is his punishment for being a PRICK!!! go sit in the corner and think about ur actions benjamin.

like ted n the rest of the sillies i’m not straying too far from canon with his personality, he’s an ass and a murderer and a hella smart dickhead who desperately needs to be punished by the universe (thank you for that one AM). hot take i did not like his “redemption arc” in his game scenario and i don’t think with how he was throughout the entirety of his life (and also throughout the game, main example his inner dialogue) he would actually go out of his way to help the kid because he means it??? n prove he changed to the guys he killed cause he means it??? i dunno maybe AM torturing him made him have a main character “omg i’ve been in the wrong this whole time!!1” moment like the game suggests i’m just not buying it 💀 i’m sure it’s just cause bennys scenario couldn’t be too long and they couldn’t fully flesh him out which i won’t fault the game makers for. i’m a steven universe fan, i know what time constrictions can do to a plot and redemption arc 😭 looking at you white diamond…

his wife n kids are up top and they’re kinda neat to me— i was considering the hc that part of the reason manya (his canon wife) left him is because she realized she was a lesbian which would be funny as fuck considering benny’s also One Of Them Queers 😭. i think during the brief times he was home and able to parent his daughters they got really scared and tired of him, one because he’s just a very threatening powerful and overbearing man, but also because i feel like he would’ve been on their ASS about everything. grades, extracurriculars, friends, wardrobe, this guy was micromanaging his family to an annoying extreme (ofc because of his perfectionist complex). he probably loved manya and the kids in his own weird way, but it was more contractual to him than any real personal relationship. maybe he inherited that from his own parents?? i doubt he ever talked to them after he moved out.

that’s about the end of my thoughts on this fucker. 🥲 funny storyyyy i just remembered i have laundry to finish so im gonna go do that, lord help me. thank you for reading all this if you did!!!!! we’re over halfway through so who do yall want next? wanna save AM or nimdok for last? i’ll see u guys later :]]]

[weena-mercator]

narumitsu fic recs - part 1

I've been putting together fic recs for a while, trying to sort things into different categories rather than just sharing one big post of stories that are all over the place in type, length, etc. - I've appreciated all the fic recs I've gotten on reddit and in nrmt discord servers, and wanted to compile things in such a way that it makes it easier for those who are interested in reading more fanfic! while I still have decent amount of fics bookmarked on my "to read" list, i have read a not insubstantial number this year (don't mind me just rolling into the fandom nearly 23 years late - actually I really liked AA when I first saw GG play in 2019, bought the game b/c of it - & I liked nrmt but something about JFA was the turning point for me to become just totally normal about them)

anyways, i digress...

I'll start off with my favorite contenders for long (more than 50K words) canon-compliant (or mostly canon-compliant fics) - some are more dramatic and some are more light-hearted

obviously since this is a recommendation list, I may make comments about how I feel about something with a fic that you don't agree with - I only say this to point out some of my thoughts regarding the fic, not to start a hc war... and I'm definitely not trying to say "this author is wrong" or anything like that, just pointing out my personal opinion

a long way to fall by prospectkiss

this is the first long fic I ever read for nrmt and I can't recommend it enough. Heads up that this fic is E - Taking place between T&T and AJ (handwavey give them more time in this time period than in canon), this is also a case fic that majorly ties in to the plot - you've got romantic tension, mutual pining, drama, angst and a great (and spicy) ending. word count: 78K POV: rotating between Phoenix and Miles why it’s a must read IMO: I admit I am partial to getting together fics that are pre-disbarment or very early 7YG, the PINING and build up is incredible and it’s very difficult to put down but especially once you get about halfway through, it will be hard to stop! I think I read this in only 2 sittings.

the long way home by griffonage

a fic that deserves SO much more love - it is so incredibly well-written and heart-wrenching. the very beginning covers major events of the first trilogy quickly while the majority of the story takes place during the 7YG. Phoenix is always right there for Edgeworth, but Edgeworth is pretty great at making terrible decisions -including running away from things he wants deep down- and that finally takes its toll on Phoenix, whose anger is very justified. Per the tags: ??? to friends?? to it's complicated to it's VERY complicated to... unsurprisingly this makes for a pretty angsty relationship & moments that make you just want to shake Miles (and Phoenix, but a lot more Miles). This is also an E fic FYI, as far as I remember that stuff is only short scenes in a few places as opposed to like, a whole chapter devoted to it. word count: 84K POV: Miles why it’s a must read IMO: there are multiple little case fics along the way that are interesting, this story truly made me sad I wasn’t also working and exploring in Europe, Trucy!!, the OCs are very well done, it’s a great character study of Miles, and writing wise, this is one of the most well-written stories I’ve ever read among fanfic and published novels written in my lifetime

trace (vestiges) by FaultyParagon

this fic is pretty well known, and while it may not rank quite as high for me now as it did when I first read it, I do regard it highly. I don't know how much editing/beta-reading happened for it, so my one little thing about it is that the grammar mistakes happened a little too frequently to gloss over, but still not terrible (I know we all write for free but with frequent or significant enough errors, I'm taken out of the world easily, maybe that's not a problem that affects the majority of readers, idk). A mostly filling in the gaps fic that takes place from AAPW to right before DD - it's not exactly a slow burn, but just because they manage to get together earlier rather than later doesn't mean they aren't going to encounter obstacles in their relationship. This fic is M - it sort of rides that line between M and E in my opinion, as the sex isn't very graphic but not just glossed over either. word count: 225K POV: Miles why it’s a must read IMO: touch-starved Miles, again, I’m partial to them getting together pre-disbarment, despite it not being exactly a slow burn it does have quite a build up, I really love seeing Miles have a lot personal growth, especially in regards to handling his emotions, during his “choose death” year and during 7YG as well as how he is there for Phoenix and Trucy during that time

turnabout feelings by ssygir

a 7YG fic where Edgeworth requests Phoenix's help to research trials by jury, bringing Phoenix and Trucy with him to Paris - where they unintentionally get caught up in a murder investigation, and Phoenix realizes his feelings for Edgeworth are definitely not platonic. While my personal view is that Phoenix has known he's been in love with Miles for a looooong time, I can appreciate a good fic where he's just now figuring that out. Some little things about Edgeworth's characterization feel off to me, but maybe that's just me. This fic is E, but that's pretty much limited to one chapter. one small note: this fic does have a follow up, but hasn't been updated in over a year (although the author has said they plan to finish it at least! so hope is not lost yet) word count: 76K POV: Phoenix why it’s a must read IMO: it’s an early 7YG getting together story, the case fic is fun, not a total sloooooow burn but definitely builds up, a good pick when you want a more lighthearted story with very little angst

dating for a turnabout by Mikomikono

technically set in that tiny window between AAI2 and Phoenix's disbarment, Miles asks Phoenix to join him to investigate a smuggling operation at a resort - except they find out that the event taking place at the resort is a couple's retreat, and the only way to have full access is to pose as one... oh and of course Larry happens to be there too. This one is a fun case fic with mutual pining, only one bed and a sprinkling of angst among some silliness and fluff - while I wish there was a little more to the ending, it was a very fun read, T rating. word count: almost 90K POV: rotating between Phoenix and Miles why it’s a must read IMO: the author has little profiles and evidence info for the case posted for each chapter, very fun! I’m picky about fake dating stories and I think this one does it very well, and again, I really like seeing pre-disbarment getting together - and they are pining fools here, it’s good stuff

chasing history by SlatedForAbandonment

post canon, Phoenix invites Miles to stay in his guest room while he's in LA working on his PhD. Some small notes on timeline - this is where it gets a little loose with canon compliance, although the author does note that in the tags - Edgeworth is already Chief Prosecutor but currently taking a leave of absence to work on his dissertation, but hasn't found permanent residence again yet, despite this being a few years post SOJ (at one point it is stated that Apollo is 28) - I also feel like a lot of Edgeworth's behavior/reactions are more fitting of trilogy era Edgeworth, or even early 7YG... all that being said, it is a super slow burn, well-written with fun dialogue and very sweet moments as well as a bit of angst. rating is T. word count: 68K POV: rotating between Phoenix and Miles why it’s a must read IMO: even though I feel like this story would more realistically take place much earlier in canon, you get a great slow burn with plenty of incredibly sweet moments along the way that just make you melt

the catch-up game by theacegrace

post canon, Trucy is on a year-long magic show tour and Phoenix is left feeling like everyone keeps moving on and leaving him behind, while also dealing with some realizations regarding one Miles Edgeworth. again, my personal take is that Phoenix would've realized this long before now, but this story is an interesting Phoenix character study and once you get about 3/4 through the story, the situation is very tense - it's hard to not read this whole thing, or at least the back half, in one sitting. rated T. word count: 66K POV: Phoenix why it’s a must read IMO: it’s always interesting to consider that prior to his disbarment, Phoenix was the more self-assured and bold one of the two when it came to matters of the heart, and then afterwards that essentially flips for a while - now Miles has gained a lot of confidence and gone through a lot of emotional growth (Phoenix starts to gain this back a lot after becoming a lawyer again, but he’s definitely not just back to trilogy-era Phoenix)

it would feel so good to make you mine by hi_its_ellis and lowbatteryhealth

post DD, this is an unusual slow burn - both Phoenix and Miles know they're in love with each other, but they've come to an unspoken agreement on how to handle this - there's a winner and a loser, and the "loser" is whoever cracks first. honestly, another fic where I just wanted to shake them until they came to their sense, but it's very fun and sweet, T rating. word count: 54K POV: various why it’s a must read IMO: it’s tagged idiots to usdiots LMAO, so many sweet moments among the aggravation - they are BOTH moron-sexual, your honor, and you’ll want to strangle them /affectionate…

a turnabout toast by ideny

summary by author: (after the events of AJ) an estranged Phoenix and Miles respond to a friendly challenge from an unexpected source: do three things each to fix your lives. this fic is technically the least canon compliant because we of course learn in DD (and this fic was written before the release of DD) that Phoenix and Miles did spend time together during his disbarment, at the very least in Europe helping Miles research. So this is a hell of an angsty read, worth it for the story-telling despite that it departs from canon in that way. Not rated, but I don't recall anything above T rating stuff happening in it. word count: 68K POV: rotating between Phoenix and Miles why it’s a must read IMO: damn they really go through it in this one, dealing with the aftermath of the events of AJ is very interesting, lots of angst but I feel compelled to tell you don’t worry, the ending will ease your pain

Obligatory recs:

legal partners by miggy

project: matchmakers by WingSongHalo

how to court a fool in under three months by snowyrunes

All 3 of these are post canon getting together fics, AND all 3 are told from various POVs, not just Phoenix and Miles - there's a reason they are some of the most well-known ones - PM is probably the most fluffy with the least angst (and has a very cute multi chapter follow up), followed by LP (has a fairly short E follow up) - HTCAFIUTM is the slowest burn (it also has a follow up that hasn't been updated since 2022... which stinks because it did leave off on a bit of a cliffhanger and I really wanna know what's going to happen lol)

I have yet to read the highly regarded canon-compliant long fics listed below, but they are on my to-read list!

you ever been in love? by hechima

saturation by tiedyed trickster *

indefensible by zombolouge *

a brief for the defense by Ophelia_Writes * (this has now been orphaned FYI)

turnabout dishwasher by zuzsenpai

*indicates that it has not been finished yet, possibly won't ever be

If you know of any other 50K+ canon-compliant fics that you'd highly recommend, please let me know!

my other posts will be for AUs, chapter fics shorter than 50K, one-shots (might have to divide those up by theme), probably a NSFW set as well if there's interest!

[dear-ao3]

could you explain the mclaren reputation era please I missed it

ok well i don't really understand it entirely so bear with me here as i fumble through this.

essentially yesterday mclaren archived (deleted?) every single one of their instagram posts (and there were Thousands) except for this kind of twist trap esque video of lando, oscar and their car with the tagline "whatever it takes" like the imagine dragons song, or perhaps a 15 year old boy posting selfies of himself in the gym.

this of course is exactly what taylor swift did however many years ago right before she dropped her reputation album, archived every single one of her instagram posts except for these three videos of a snake slithering around and i don't remember what the words were associated with it but it was foreshadowing her reputation album. this was the album that she released directly after she got a whole lot of shit for her 1989 tour, took basically 2 years off and came back with some s tier bangers about how basically she didnt really care what the media thought of her, but she was reinventing herself (remember the "im sorry, the old taylor can't come to the phone right now, why? oh! cause she's dead!" meme" but essentially, it was her comeback after awhile away.

mclaren, as we know, has not won a championship since 2008 with sir lewis hamilton. their driver line up, lando norris and oscar piastri, is the youngest pairing of drivers on the grid (lando is 24, oscar is 22) and while the 2023 season for them started off absolutely terribly (their car fucking sucked) they were able to do some major upgrades throughout the season and turned it around by the silverstone race (just under halfway through the year). from silverstone on (13 races total) mclaren finished in the top 3 nine times (with both oscar and lando on the podium at the qatar and japan races) and were consistently in the points. oscar also won the sprint race in qatar. and lando had i think 17 overtakes at the mexico race, starting 19 and ending 5th. which is kind of incredible. in a season of absolute red bull domination (lets remember that a red bull driver won ever race except for the singapore race, which carlos won with the help of lando) they were consistently challenging them and there was one time in texas (i think?) where lando almost was able to overtake max.

so yes, red bull is definitely the favored team at the moment and is coming off of quite possibly the best season they've ever had. however. mclaren have some distinct advantages going into the 2024 season:

they do not have to worry about silly season. as we know, 14 drivers have contracts ending at the end of 2024 which means the absolute mad rush to resign and offer contracts across basically every team. redbull is basically guaranteed to not resign checo and might even swap him for daniel ricciardo halfway through the season whereas lands contract with mclaren ends in 2025 and oscars ends in 2026. mclaren can spend all of their time worrying about the car and the drivers rather than who they are signing.

oscar piastri. oscar just finished his rookie season (and previously won the f2 and f3 championships and won rookie of the year this year). in terms of rookie years he had an outstanding one. people compared him to lewis hamilton's rookie year. as a refresher, lewis hamiltons rookie year was in 2007 (also at mclaren) and he won his first championship in 2008. oscar is the first rookie since lewis hamilton to get multiple podiums and win something in his rookie year. expectations are running high here.

lando norris's expiring contract. as we know lando has one more confirmed year with mclaren. cel of mclaren zak brown has announced that they want to extend landos contract with mclaren, but, hes starting to get really really good, which means that a top team like red bull or mercedes might also try to get him as a driver. this is the year for mclaren to prove to lando that they can give him what he wants (which is to win a race. in his 5 years of formula 1 he hasn't won anything. and once he starts winning then hes going to want to win a championship. but. there is max verstappen to contend with). so their absolute balls to the wall tactic could work pretty well for them here. pre season testing doesnt start for over another month and they are already clearly locked in to the 2024 season.

lando and oscar actually get along. sure, formula 1 is an individual sport, but there is the drivers championship (for the individual driver) and the constructors championship (for the team with the most points). so they do have to work together. drivers not working together in the past has led to some ... undesirable results for teams (the great brocedes civil war of nico rosberg and lewis hamilton that ultimately resulted in nico retiring after he won his first championship, whatever the hell was going with max and daniel for part of the 2018 season, the french civil war at alpine between pierre gasley and esteban ocon) they are also both very consistent drivers. neither are incredibly crash prone and seem quite willing to work together on the track to optimize results.

yes they do also have disadvantages. lando has never won a race, they only have one pole position between them (lando in russia in 2021) and they're not a red bull. clearly they're the underdog in the situation. but they did finish fourth in the constructors championship in 2023 ("best of the rest") (and after basically getting next to no points for the first several races on account of the fact that their car was shit) behind ferrari, mercedes, and red bull. they're coming for the top 3 and honestly it could be their season to lose.

if ferrari doesnt change their strategy approach then they could be out of a shot at top 3. also ferrari have to deal with the nightmare of resigning both of their drivers (or finding new ones). merc and red bull will both be giving it their all (lewis hamilton really really wants to win his 8th world championship before he retires and max is well. max.) but if mclaren has a competitive car from the start of the season and doesnt have to play catch up for the first several races, then they could easily finish in the top 3.

also they released their livery today? which really confuses me (is that different than the car unveiling? what is going on someone mansplain it to me please)

[threewaywithdelusion]

Steve & Robin Bodyswap AU

I'm probably never going to finish this fic because I struggle with follow-through on long fics, but I enjoy this section so I thought I'd post it. At this point, it's September 1986 and Steve and Robin have been body-swapping for about a month (they can't control when it happens). Trigger warnings for homophobia and use of the word queer as a slur.

When the dizzy feeling passed, Robin was in Steve’s body, looking into his bathroom mirror. She was almost naked, only a towel around her waist, and it looked like Steve had been halfway through his hair routine. Robin sighed and picked up Steve’s hairspray and a comb, trying to finish creating Steve’s famous hairstyle. It was harder than Steve made it look, and when she finished it looked a little off-center somehow, like it had melted a little to the side. Was his hair longer than before? Whatever. This was as good as she could get it, so Steve would have to live with it. 

The phone rang as Robin returned to the bedroom. 

“Hello?” Robin answered. 

“Hey,” Steve said. “Do you remember where you’re going tonight?”

“No,” Robin said. “I was planning on doing my English paper and then repainting my nails. I didn’t think we’d switch so late in the day.”

Steve sighed. “Me neither. That’s why I scheduled a date.”

“A date!” Robin shrieked. 

She couldn’t go on a date. With a girl. As Steve Harrington. 

“Yeah,” Steve said, sounding guilty. “Listen. Her name is Jenny and you’re supposed to pick her up at seven. Her address is written on a post-it on the kitchen table.”

“Steve,” Robin said. “I can’t go on this date.”

“Why not?”

“Why not? Because I’m not you! Because she wants to go on a date with Mr. Cool and not some band nerd who rambles when she’s nervous, like, I don’t know, when she’s in front of a pretty girl. I can’t go on my first date with a girl in your body! And I can’t drive! I’ll crash the car and kill us both.”

“You’re not so bad anymore,” Steve said. “At worst, you’ll get into a fender-bender.”

“And what about all the other reasons this is a terrible idea?” Robin demanded. 

“Do you actually mind?” Steve asked, voice small. “Going on your first date with a girl in my body?”

She knew if she said yes, he would let her cancel. But there was something vulnerable in his voice and that made her stop and think. 

Did she mind? For the past three years, Robin had been dreaming of going on a date with a girl. She’d imagined what it would be like to hold a door open for a girl, to hold hands under the table, to giggle at her jokes and maybe even get a kiss at the end of the night. And she’d imagined doing all that in her own body, with someone who was into her. 

Part of her wanted that. Part of her was holding onto that dream of an ideal first date, the way some girls dreamed of a perfect first time. 

But also, Robin had never gone on a date with a girl because she lived in Hawkins. She probably wouldn’t get to go on a date until after she graduated and moved away. Maybe this was her chance to go on a date with a girl. It might not fully count, but it would still be her on the date. Her and this girl. It could at least be good practice for her real first date.

“I don’t mind,” Robin said. “But Steve, I’m going to ruin this.”

“You’re not going to ruin anything,” Steve said. “Just be yourself. Or, well, maybe not yourself, cause you’re supposed to be me. But you’ll be fine!”

Robin groaned. “Steeeeve.”

“It’ll be fine!”

“You won’t be mad at me if I totally tank your date, right?”

“No,” Steve said. “You’re going on a date for me. That’s like, really nice, even if it goes wrong. No one’s ever done that for me before.”

Robin snorted. “Well I would hope not, Dingus. If you’d been bodyswapping with someone else and you hadn’t brought it up by now, I’d be pissed.”

Steve laughed. “Nah, no other bodyswappers. I still think it was the Russian drugs.”

Robin rolled her eyes. “It wasn’t the drugs!”

“It totally was!”

Robin eyed the clock on Steve’s bedside table. “I have to go if I’m going to make it to your date on time.” Especially if she drove at Robin-speed to pick the girl up. 

“Okay,” Steve said. “Remember, her name is Jenny and her address is on the kitchen table. I’ll start the rough draft of your essay and then you can fix it tomorrow.”

Robin winced. Steve seemed to be enjoying school more now that he was in her body and his dyslexia didn’t get in the way, but he was still a terrible essay writer. There probably wouldn’t be much usable material in whatever he wrote, but she appreciated that he was trying to take the burden of half her schoolwork. 

“Thanks,” she said. “Maybe just do an outline?”

Steve paused for a moment. When he spoke again, there was something off about his voice. “Yeah, okay.”

Robin wanted to push, but she really didn’t have time and her stomach was already starting to churn with nerves at the idea of going on a date. She said her goodbyes and hung up the phone before going to Steve’s closet. She didn’t know how to dress for a date, especially as a boy, but presumably Jenny wanted to go out with Steve, so Robin pulled out jeans and a polo. She winced as she looked in the mirror, King Steve staring back. Swoopy hair, pretentious polo, and handsome face – all looking horribly out of place with Robin in his body, shoulders slumping in uncomfortably. 

Robin looked away. 

She found the post-in on the kitchen and Steve’s keys on the hook by the front door before sliding nervously behind the wheel of Steve’s car. She took a deep breath and slid the key into the ignition, backing painfully slowly out of the driveway. Her nerves increased as she drove, building like a knot in her stomach. It was so odd how Steve’s body handled nervousness. In her own body, Robin would be bouncing, or pacing, or flapping her hands, anything to expel this nervous energy. When Robin was anxious, she needed to move, to babble, to get it all out. 

Steve’s body held onto anxiety, using it to twist his insides tighter and tighter. His shoulders ached from the tension he held and his heart started pounding and the idea of moving didn’t feel helpful, not to the body Robin was in. 

But she wanted to move, and the mixed signals just added to the confused anxiety in her body. 

When she arrived at Jenny’s house, she had to knock at the door. Luckily, a girl opened it, dressed nicely and looking the right age to be Steve’s date.

This was confirmed when the girl smiled and said, “Hi, Steve.”

“Hi,” Robin said. Way to go Steve! Jenny was pretty, long blonde curls and big blue eyes. She was wearing a sundress with a square neckline that drew attention to the line of her collarbones, and a short skirt that revealed long, smooth legs, tan from the summer sun. Her hands, fiddling with the hem of her dress, were decorated by thin gold rings on each finger. 

“Like what you see?”

Robin flinched before she registered Jenny’s teasing tone. 

Jenny was flirting. She thought she was being eyed by Steve Harrington and she liked it, so she was teasing him for staring.

But it wasn’t Steve. It was Robin, admiring a pretty girl. Robin, who lived in fear of being caught staring and being chased out of town by an angry mob with pitchforks and crosses and Save the Children posters. 

Robin managed a shaky smile for Jenny. “You look really pretty.”

Jenny looked pleased. She called a goodbye into the house and followed Robin to the car. Robin took a deep breath as she slid behind the wheel again. 

“How was your day?” Jenny asked. 

“Good,” Robin said. She’d gone to work this morning as Steve, then finished the afternoon at school as herself. She’d gone to band practice, where they had started a new song. But that wasn’t what Steve had done with his day. Or, well, it wouldn’t have been if they weren’t swapping bodies. Steve had graduated. “I had work.”

“What made you want to work at Family Video?” Jenny asked. 

Robin couldn’t answer for a moment, focused on making a left turn. Then there was a pothole to swerve and a stop sign to navigate. By the time Robin thought of Jenny’s question again, the silence was awkward and heavy. 

“Uh, movies?” Robin said. “Yeah, I, uh, like movies. Big movie fan.”

She wished she could see Jenny’s expression, but Robin had to watch the road. 

“Okay,” Jenny said slowly, sounding skeptical. “What movies do you like?”

“Grease,” Robin said, naming one of Steve’s favorites. “

“Oh I love Grease!” Jenny said. “It’s so romantic, isn’t it?”

Robin hated Grease. She thought it was patriarchal and ridiculous and taught women that they should change to win the love of men who treated them badly. Sure, Sandy looked hot at the end, but it came at the cost of her personality and autonomy and self-expression. Robin hated the idea that a girl was supposed to conform to what a guy wanted of her. Why couldn’t Danny be the one to change?

“Yeah, it’s romantic,” Robin said. 

They hit a curb as she took a turn and Jenny let out a little yelp. Robin refocused on the road. 

“Sorry,” she said. “I, uh, ran out of contacts? And lost my glasses? I don’t think I can talk and drive right now.”

“Oh,” Jenny said, sounding nervous and unimpressed. That was fair. Robin wouldn’t like it if the guy driving her around said he couldn’t see shit.  “Yeah, sure.”

They drove in silence until they got to the diner. 

[Jenny asks about basketball and robin fumbles her way through answers]

[They kiss goodnight on Jenny’s doorstep]

As soon as Jenny entered her house, Robin felt her face crumple. She retreated to the car and drove back to Steve’s house, shaking a little. She wanted to cry, but Steve’s body wouldn’t. There was a lump in her throat and an ache in her chest, but her eyes were dry. 

She hated this. She hated that the date had gone so badly. She hated that her first kiss had been stolen. That it hadn’t been her Jenny had wanted to kiss and it hadn’t been her lips that had been kissed. She hated that Steve had sent her on this date. She hated that she’d agreed. She hated Steve’s stupid body, which wasn’t hers and was foreign and masculine and wouldn’t even fucking cry when she wanted it to. 

Robin parked and stormed into Steve’s house. She slammed the door behind her, which felt good, so she did it a few more times. Slam. Slam. Slam. When she felt out of breath, she collapsed against the entryway wall. 

Steve’s reflection stared back at her from the mirror above the key hooks. 

She couldn’t take it. She ran up the stairs, bypassing Steve’s bedroom and entering his parents’ room. She’d never been in here before because Steve acted like it was forbidden, but she didn’t care right now. She found Mrs. Harrington’s vanity and started ripping the drawers open, upending makeup and hair supplies until she found several bottles of nail polish. 

They were all boring pinks and reds, exactly what a housewife would wear, but Robin grabbed the darkest red and took it downstairs. She grabbed a David Bowie record and blasted it, propping her hands on her thighs and starting to paint her nails. Her hands were shaking, but she stubbornly pushed through, trying to paint a neat maroon coat onto Steve’s nails. 

She stopped and stared after she finished the first hand. 

It was Steve’s hand still, broad and square-fingered, but it felt better with the nail polish. A bit more feminine. 

Robin had spent so long in her own body trying to express herself without femininity. She didn’t like dresses or skirts or long hair. Her makeup was smudgy and her jewelry chunky and she liked to look good but not in a girly-girl way. 

In Steve’s body though, she felt like she had to compensate for its masculinity. She was still a girl, even if she wasn’t a girly one, and seeing a man staring back at her in the mirror was uncomfortable. She wanted to put Steve’s body in a dress and grow out his hair and do his makeup. But that all felt like a violation of Steve’s will for what he wanted to do with his body. She was just a guest here ��� she couldn’t change anything he couldn’t quickly change back. Even if she spent a solid half of her waking hours in this body. 

Steve’s hand looked good in maroon nail polish. It felt a bit more like hers. 

***

Steve woke up in his own body, which was rare these days. 

He was in his bed and he had a headache, which wasn’t that unusual. But it wasn’t a spike of pain in his skull, no oncoming migraine. This felt like a headache from crying. 

Steve went to the bathroom mirror and squinted at his reflection. Maybe Robin had a point and Steve should get glasses. His bad eyesight was much more noticeable and annoying when he spent half his time looking at the world through Robin’s 20/20 eyes. 

With just a little squinting though, Steve found that he was right; his eyes were red. Robin had been crying. 

Steve’s heart sank. He’d thought Robin would call after the date yesterday, but he hadn’t heard from her. He hadn’t heard from her, and she had cried herself to sleep. What had happened?

He’d been kind of happy when Robin hadn’t called, which he felt bad about. But she hadn’t wanted him to write a draft of her paper, just an outline. It was stupid to be upset about that. But for the first time in his life, Steve was following what was happening in Robin’s English and history classes. They were way more interesting when he could read without getting frustrated, and he’d wanted to write the paper to help Robin but also to see what he could do when he actually understood the book. 

But Robin didn’t think he was smart enough to write her essay. 

Which was fine, obviously, Steve knew that Robin was way smarter than him. He shouldn’t be upset just because Robin knew that too. 

It was fine. The problem was that something had made Robin cry. 

He was picking her up for school, so he would ask on the drive. 

Steve started getting ready, brushing his teeth and doing his hair. There was too much hairspray in it, the way there usually was when Robin had been the last one to style it, so he brushed it through a bit extra to try to get some of the stiffness out. 

There was also nail polish on his fingers. 

Steve stopped for a long moment to stare. The nail polish was pretty, a dark red color and super smooth. Steve had tried to paint Robin’s nails last night and he’d done a much worse job, getting nail polish all over her skin and accidentally making it lumpy and full of bubbles. 

But on Steve’s hands, the polish was neat and smooth and elegant. Steve had never had his nails painted before, but it was pretty. He liked it. 

Maybe Steve shouldn’t have painted Robin’s nails. He’d been under the impression that Robin hated the process of painting her nails – always complaining about having to sit still while they dried. But if she liked it enough to do it in Steve’s body, maybe he should have let her paint her own. 

Steve grabbed his work vest and a granola bar and drove to Robin’s house. She came out the door in a hurry, jacket half-on, shouting something back at her parents. But she was quiet as she got in the car. She barely said hello before busying herself looking through Steve’s tapes. 

Steve frowned. “Robin? Are you okay?”

“Yeah,” Robin said. “I’m fine. Just tired, you know?”

Steve had gone to bed early last night, which meant Robin’s body shouldn’t be tired. He didn’t say that. 

“How did the date go?”

Robin froze, only for a second, but it was noticeable given how she was always in motion. “It was okay. She said you should call her.”

“That sounds pretty good,” Steve said tentatively. 

“Yeah,” Robin said. She put in a tape and turned the volume up. 

Dread started to grow in Steve’s stomach. He waited until he’d pulled into Dustin’s driveway and honked to turn down the music. Dustin always took a minute to come out. 

“Did I overstep?” Steve asked quietly. 

“What do you mean?” Robin asked. She was fiddling with her bracelets, and Steve suddenly realized she hadn’t even looked at him since getting in the car. 

“When I asked you to go on the date for me. Was that too much?”

Robin still didn’t look at him. “Steve-”

“Hey!” Dustin said loudly, climbing into the backseat. “You won’t believe what happened in our campaign last night. So we were in this forest, right, and then Eddie had this really suspicious looking dwarf show up-”

Dustin kept babbling about his campaign all the way to the school and Steve tried to react in the appropriate places. He had no idea what was happening in the story because Dustin used way too many words that Steve was pretty sure didn’t exist. But he’d already hurt Robin somehow; he didn’t want to hurt Dustin as well. 

Steve dropped them both at school — Robin leaving with a little “bye” and Dustin still rambling on his way out of the car — and went to work. He was the only one working until Robin got on in the afternoon, so it was pretty boring. A few housewives came in, but mostly Steve rewound and reshelved tapes. He contemplated actually cleaning, but decided he wasn’t bored enough to do that and ended up tapping his fingers idly on the counter as he half-paid attention to the children’s movie that was playing on the tv. 

Today, of all days, Steve didn’t want to be alone with his thoughts. 

What had gone so wrong? He’d asked Robin if she was okay with going on the date and she had said yes. But she hadn’t called and she couldn’t even look at him this morning. That had never happened before. They had bickered back when they’d been getting to know each other at Scoops Ahoy, but they’d never had a real fight. 

All Steve could think of was Nancy. Nancy, pulling away because Steve couldn’t be what she needed. Nancy, who Steve had hurt without even realizing it. Nancy, who Steve had loved and who he had lost because he was bullshit. 

He couldn’t be bullshit with Robin. He’d thought he was safe from ruining this because they were friends and they’d felt mind-melded even before the body swapping had started. 

But Steve had clearly done something wrong. He had to figure out what it was and fix it before he lost Robin. 

A man came in, dressed in a suit, clearly on his lunch break. Steve tracked him as he wandered the shelves, but the man didn’t seem to need any help, quickly finding a movie and bringing it up to the counter. 

It was [romance movie]. 

“It’s for my wife,” the man said, as if he thought Steve was judging him. 

“That’s romantic,” Steve said. “Can I get your name?” 

“Johnny Richards,” the man said. “My wife’s upset I had to work late the past month. It’s not my fault! I work for the mayor’s office and we’re still dealing with the fallout of that fucking mall fire.”

Steve’s customer service smile turned even more frozen. He mechanically pulled up the man’s profile. Johnny Richards’ account had a few action movies, some chick flicks, and a lot of pornography. 

Steve tried to change the topic to Johnny’s wife again. “I’m sure she’ll appreciate a movie date night. This one’s a good choice.”

He flashed Johnny Richards another customer service smile as he scanned the movie, but Johnny wasn’t looking at his face. He was watching Steve’s hands. 

“That’ll be three dollars,” Steve said.

Johnny’s eyes flashed to his, lips curled back in a sneer. “You a queer?”

Steve blinked in confusion. “What?”

“You. A. Queer?” Johnny repeated. 

Steve’s muscles locked at the word and at the tone the man was using. He automatically looked for Robin, trying to make sure he was between her and the threat, before he remembered that she was at school. 

“No?” Steve said. He didn’t sound confident, which he knew was a mistake, but he was really confused.

“No?” The man mocked. “Then why are you painting your nails like one?”

Oh. Steve glanced down at his hands, at the red color on his nails. He’d kept it on when he’d left the house because he liked it and because Robin had been the one to paint them, but he’d been too preoccupied to think his decision through. 

He should have known better than to wear nail polish in Hawkins, Indiana. 

“I didn’t paint them,” Steve said. “My friend did. She, um, wanted to practice.”

Johnny gave Steve a disdainful look. “Acting like a pussy isn’t going to get you any girls. If she’s painting your nails, you’re stuck in the friend zone — you don’t have to give her your dignity as well. Have some self-respect and stop looking like a goddamn queer.”

“I’m not a queer,” Steve protested. 

“Just some friendly advice,” Johnny said. “Better you hear it from me, than someone who wouldn’t be so nice.”

It sounded so much like something Steve’s father would say that he gave an automatic, “Yes, sir.”

Johnny Richards nodded, like that was the reaction he’d been hoping for. He slapped three dollars on the counter, far from Steve’s hand as if he didn’t want to touch him, then grabbed the tape and walked out. 

Steve felt hot all over, shame and embarrassment and something else filling him. He felt dirty, like he shouldn’t have liked having his nails done. 

He was a boy. He wasn’t supposed to like girly things. Even if he was a girl half the time, when he was in Robin’s body and she was in his. 

He didn’t mind being in Robin’s body. He didn’t mind her longer hair, or her painted nails, or her makeup, even when it was on him. He liked wearing her clothes, even though most of it wasn’t his style and he wished he could get some nice blouses and skirts. 

But that was all when he was in Robin’s body. He was allowed to like those things when he was a girl. He had been stupid to think he could get away with painted nails as a boy. 

Steve was still shaking. He felt awful, like he’d been through something worse than a few mean comments from a stranger. The kind of comments he himself had made in the past. 

If this was how everyone he had bullied had felt, maybe he deserved to feel this way. 

Steve kept his fingers curled as he helped the next few customers, hiding his nails from sight. 

By the time Robin showed up for her afternoon shift, Steve was able to act sufficiently normal. Robin was still half-avoiding him, but it was Friday afternoon and they were ridiculously busy trying to rent out movies for the weekend. 

Steve waited until they were alone in the store, closing up, to say “Can you please come over? I want to talk.”

“Okay,” Robin said to the ground. But she got in the car with him and let him drive her to his house. 

They took their shoes off by the entryway and made their way to the kitchen, moving seamlessly to make dinner. They were both comfortable moving around Steve’s kitchen as if they lived there, because they both lived there. 

Steve almost added peas to his own plate before he remembered that he hated peas. They only tasted good when he was Robin. 

When they were both picking at their reheated lasagne, Steve said, “I’m sorry.”

Robin’s head jerked up, a bewildered look on her face. 

“I’m sorry,” Steve repeated. He hadn’t said those words much the first sixteen years of his life. But he’d say them a million times now if that’s what it took to get Robin to forgive him. 

“For what?” Robin asked. 

Was this a test? Steve’s mother did that sometimes, made him explain what he was apologizing for so she could scoff in his face and tell him that wasn’t why she was mad and to try again. 

“For asking you to go on that date for me?” Steve guessed. 

Robin didn’t look happy with that answer. 

“I don’t know,” Steve quickly admitted. Sometimes it was better to just get it over with. She could explain how he’d fucked up and then she could yell and then he could apologize and hopefully they would be okay. “I’m sorry for being so stupid that I don’t know what I did, I guess. But I didn’t mean you make you mad. Or sad? And I’m really sorry.”

“I’m not mad at you,” Robin said, sounding angry. 

Steve hesitated. This felt like a bad idea, but “You seem mad.”

“I am, but not at you.”

“Then why haven’t you looked at me all day?”

Robin growled and got to her feet, starting to pace. “It’s complicated, okay? I’m mad at your stupid body, and you’re in it right now. And I’m mad at this whole situation. It fucking sucks, okay?”

Steve didn’t know how to fix the situation. They had hit a dead end with everything they had tried, and unless El got her powers back, their only possible next step was to trust the government scientists. Call Steve crazy, but even before the Russians he hadn’t trusted government scientists, especially ones who had experimented on a little girl for her powers. 

So he focused on the part he maybe could fix. “Why are you mad at my body?”

Robin spun on her heel, still pacing, arm flying as she tried to explain. “It just feels all… off. Wrong. Like, I’m a girl and I hate being trapped in a boy’s body. I hate being perceived as a man. Don’t you feel the same when you’re in my body? Like it’s wrong being a girl?”

No, Steve didn’t. But that probably wasn’t helpful to say right now. And it was weird. Shameful. 

If Robin didn’t like boy stuff when she was in Steve’s body, why did he like girl stuff when he was in hers?

“I guess I didn’t think about it so much,” Steve lied. 

“It’s just… ugh! It makes my skin crawl,” Robin said. “And I hate that we switch so much and we can’t control it. I feel like I’m missing my life. I missed my first day of senior year. I barely ever see my parents anymore, and I miss them. They’re threatening to kick me out of band because I’ve missed so many rehearsals, but you can’t play the trumpet so I don’t know what else we’re supposed to do. And I hate never being able to make plans with anyone but the kids because no one else knows about the body-swapping and I can’t ever guarantee I’m going to be in my own body.”

That was a lot. Steve had no idea how to fix any of that. He hadn’t really been bothered by the switching — his only friends all knew about the Upside Down, so if he showed up in Robin’s body to plans he’d made as Steve, no one batted an eye. 

But Robin was different. Robin had a life outside of him and the kids. She had friends and school and band and parents who loved her. 

Of course she would feel like she was missing out on her life. 

“And!” Robin continued, still pacing. “I fucking hated that date. I didn’t know how to drive and I didn’t know what to say. She kept expecting me to be you, and she kept looking all awkward and put-off whenever I answered something like me. And I don’t know a thing about basketball and I hate Grease!”

“Why would you hate-”

“And she kissed me,” Robin said. 

Steve went quiet. 

There were tears in Robin’s eyes. 

“It was the end of the date and she just kissed me, even though the date sucked. Even though she hated every part of me that was actually me. And I’ve never kissed anyone before. It was my first kiss, and it was with a girl, but I was a boy and I was you and she didn’t even like me.”

Robin started crying. 

Steve didn’t know what else to do, so he pulled her into a hug and let her sob into his shoulder. 

“I never thought I’d get to kiss a girl,” Robin said hoarsely. “Or at least not while I was in Hawkins. And then I did and it was all wrong.”

There was so much pain in her voice and it was all Steve’s fault. He never should have asked her to go on that stupid date. He could have just rescheduled instead of putting her in that position. 

She’d said she wasn’t mad at him, but maybe she had just been lying to spare Steve’s feelings. This was all his fault. 

He would have to find a way to fix it. He wasn’t sure how yet, but he would do it. 

Eventually, Robin stopped crying. She pulled out of Steve’s hug, grabbing his hands instead and swinging them between them, looking down so she wouldn’t have to meet his eyes. 

Then she froze, lifting Steve’s hands to her face. Steve tensed for a moment, thinking of the man from Family Video, before he remembered that this was Robin. She wasn’t going to judge him. She was the one who’d painted his nails in the first place. 

“You kept it on,” Robin said. 

“Yeah,” Steve said. 

“You didn’t have to,” Robin said. “Why would you do that?”

Steve shrugged. 

“You can take it off, if you want,” Robin said. “I didn’t mean to stick you with it after we switched back. I just needed to do something to make your body feel more like me.”

Because Robin hated being in Steve’s body. He understood that much, at least. His body came with headaches and a deaf ear and blurry eyesight and dyslexia. And maleness, which Steve hadn’t realized would be strange for Robin.

“I can keep it on,” Steve said. “If it makes you more comfortable when we switch.”

Robin bit her lip, looking hesitant. “It’s still your body, Steve. I don’t want to make it comfortable for me by making it uncomfortable for you.”

Steve was all twisted up inside. He didn’t know how he felt about the nail polish. “I don’t mind it. I can keep it on.”

Robin still hesitated. “People might be… mean. If you keep it on.”

Steve felt hot all over again. Off-balance. 

But what could he say? He couldn’t complain to Robin of all people that he’d gotten called a queer today at work. He would sound like a whiny, self-centered dick. He knew Robin had gotten called slurs before. And it was worse, because for her they were actually true. 

He was just being a baby about this. He had to toughen up and get over it. 

“Please,” he said forcing a smile. “Nobody’s going to say anything to Steve Harrington.”

Robin scanned his face, like she was checking if he was sure, and he gave her his best over-confident smirk, a look he hadn’t really pulled out since the King Steve days. 

Maybe it was because he’d never used this expression on Robin before, but she seemed to believe it. She smiled back at him and he could see that it was real. 

“Thanks, Steve,” she said. “We should get more bottles though. I’m not sure maroon is really your color.”

Steve pretended to be offended. “But I want to match my baby.”

“Your baby?” Robin asked, eyebrows up. 

“My car,” Steve said. 

Robin moaned. “Ugh. It’s bad enough you have a picture of a car hanging in your room. You are not allowed to start calling your car your baby, Steve. I will disown you.”

“You can’t disown me! You literally are me half the time.”

“I can and will disown you,” Robin countered. “I’ll be disowning you as a person, not your body, so I’ll just ignore you. Unless you act normal about cars. No calling them baby, or calling yourself their daddy. That might have been the most traumatizing part of Starcourt, really.”

“That was the most traumatizing part of Starcourt,” Steve repeated incredulously, putting his hands on his hips. 

“Yep,” Robin said, nodding firmly. “That was the most traumatizing part.”

Steve rolled his eyes. “I’ll think about acting normal. You staying over?”

“I guess I should, at this point,” Robin said. “Let me just call my parents.”

Steve caught Robin’s arm as she moved to the phone. “You don’t have to stay. If you miss your parents and you want to see them, you should go home.”

It hurt to say. Steve didn’t want Robin to go. He didn’t want to be alone in his house after being alone at the store all day. 

Maybe Robin could see that, because her expression softened. “No,” she said. “I’ll stay.”

They fell asleep together, Steve finding it much easier to keep the nightmares at bay when he knew Robin was by his side, safe from Russians and monsters. 

He woke up in Robin’s body, wrapped in his own arms. 

***

Steve and Robin spent the weekend together. 

Robin felt terrible about making Steve feel bad. She hadn’t meant to take her anger out on him — she was mad at him, but he hadn’t done anything wrong. He never would have pushed her to go on the stupid date if she’d said no and it wasn’t his fault they were swapping bodies. 

But it was Robin’s fault that Steve had had that look on his face — fearful and desperate and apologetic, like he was afraid that he had irreparably damaged their friendship. 

Sometimes Robin forgot that Steve was as desperate to keep her as she was to keep him. Sometimes a mean little voice in her brain whispered that he was Steve Harrington, that he’d been cool and popular and he had known how to get people to like him. That even now, he was worshipped by a pack of feral children and he was generous and selfless and funny and interesting and that anyone would be lucky to be his friend. He didn’t have to settle for Robin, who couldn’t read social cues and rambled way too much and had never had a real friend before Steve. 

She hated that voice in her head. It was a liar and it was mean to both him and her. Steve might have been popular, but he had never had a close friend before Robin (or maybe Dustin) either. He might be adored by his kids, but he had no friends his own age. And he was incredible in a million ways, but he also thought Robin was incredible and he told her all the time, calling her funny and brave and smart like he didn’t care that she was a socially inept nerd.

She hadn’t meant to hurt him. She hadn’t realized that quietly seething — at him, a little, but also at the injustice of this whole situation — would hurt him more than outright telling him she was upset. 

She should have known better. She knew what had happened in his relationship with Nancy, and while she was nothing like Nancy Wheeler and she definitely wasn’t dating Steve, she knew Steve had a fear of being unintentionally terrible to the people he loved.

He had never been terrible to her, not even once, not even when she’d rejected him or come out to him or made him suffer through period cramps in her body. 

But Robin had been terrible to Steve, on purpose at first when she’d been forced to work with King Steve at Scoops Ahoy and then unintentionally a few times, like yesterday, when she hadn’t taken enough care with Steve’s emotions.

Robin decided to make it up to him. On Saturday morning they cooked breakfast together, making blueberry pancakes and coffee. Then Robin helped Steve re-do the nails he’d painted on her body, showing him how to get the air bubbles out and how to paint it in coats so it could dry in between. Steve watched attentively and held Robin’s hands up proudly when he was done. 

They hung out with the gremlins Saturday afternoon. Back in their own bodies, Steve taught Lucas how to shoot hoops while Robin played a vicious game of Monopoly against Dustin and Mike. 

“How come your nails are red?” Dustin asked Steve when Steve and Lucas came in from the driveway, sweaty and panting. 

“I painted them,” Robin said. Mike landed on Park Place and Robin grinned as she charged him an exorbitant amount of money. Capitalism was so fun when it was fictional and she was winning.

“Isn’t that weird though?” Mike asked. “Having your nails painted?”

Steve tensed. Robin had been waiting for the moment he gave up on the painted nails as too feminine or too gay, and apparently Mike’s question was that moment. Robin had honestly thought he would last until at least Monday. 

“Munson has his nails painted,” Steve said cattily, which wasn’t what Robin had expected at all.

Mike rolled his eyes. “Yeah, cause it’s metal. You’re too preppy to pull off painted nails.”

Steve looked a little dumbfounded and Robin hid a grin. Apparently the kids’ problem wasn’t with a man having his nails painted, it was with Steve doing it. 

“Steve’s metal,” Lucas said. 

Mike scoffed. “How?”

“He has a bat full of nails,” Lucas said reasonably. “That’s pretty metal.”

“See, Wheeler?” Steve boasted. “I’m metal enough to paint my nails.”

Mike scowled. “I’m more metal than you are.”

They all looked at Mike, scrawny as a beanpole and dressed in horrifically mismatched clothing. Robin felt a bit blinded by the bright colors he was wearing. 

Dustin was the first one to start laughing, but they all eventually joined in. 

Mike grumbled, crossing his arms defensively. “Will would’ve agreed with me.”

“You mean he would have lied to spare your feelings,” Dustin teased. 

Mike yelped and launched a pillow at Dustin, who threw one back, and then they were all engaged in a pillow fight with Steve’s mom’s fancy throw pillows. Robin used to opportunity to whack at Mike and Dustin, who were objectively the most annoying of the children. She was about to get Dustin from behind when all of a sudden she was looming over Lucas, all the way across the room. 

Robin lost her balance and fell, straight onto Lucas, who let out a high-pitched yelp as her elbows and knees hit him. 

“Sorry,” Robin gasped, rolling off him. “I didn’t know Steve was doing fucking acrobatics during a pillow fight.”

Lucas’s head jerked sharply. “Woah. Robin?”

Robin nodded. 

Lucas smiled and lifted a pillow, smacking it across Robin’s face. As Robin sputtered, he said “that’s for using illegal weapons in a pillow fight. No elbows!”

“Oh, you’re on, Sinclair.”

As Robin tried to murder Lucas with a pillow, she thought that this was what she was missing in the rest of her life; people who watched her switch bodies with Steve and then just kept going like it was normal. She hated dropping into her body in the middle of a customer interaction at Family Video, when the customer would get mad at having to repeat the name of the movie they were looking for. She hated dropping into her body mid-conversation with Kate, unsure what the hell they were talking about and getting weird looks for babbling more off-topic than usual. She hated her inability to know where she was going to be at any given minute, or who she was going to be. 

But with Steve’s kids, who’d been to hell and back and didn’t think a bit of body-swapping was the weirdest thing they’d ever seen, she almost felt normal. 

“Let’s get Steve,” Robin whispered to Lucas. They crept up behind Steve — which was so weird, watching the back of her own head as Steve used her body to fight off Dustin and Mike — and jumped at him, whacking him with pillows. 

Steve shrieked — high-pitched with Robin’s vocal cords — and spun, narrowing his eyes at Robin in his body. 

“Oh, it’s on, Buckley.”

[nunalastor]

Ratatouille AU

I've just finished watching Ratatouille, and holy shit Remy needs a therapist. That being said, here is my conclusion:

Lucifer as Linguini and Alastor as Colette would be the obvious choice. Alastor is totally a strict, grumpy boss bitch who knows how to cook and is French. But what do you take me for? A fool? A simpleton? No no, Alastor is Anton Ego. Grumpy, picky, thin to the bone, and swayed from his antagonism only through a nostalgic recipe from his childhood.

Colette would be Lilith in this case, and Lucifer would still be Linguini because it's funny. Now, for Lucilith, then just as in the movie, Colette!Lilith and Linguini!Lucifer are together. But, a much funnier ending, and a much more RadioApple ending, is Linguini!Lucifer and Anton Ego!Alastor getting together after Alastor eats that kickass ratatouille.

So, to summarize:

Alastor as Anton Ego

Lucifer as Linguini

Lilith as Colette

I do actually think Linguini!Lucifer and Colette!Alastor would be adorable, and absolutely fitting, but I wanted to get a little silly with this one.

Additionally:

Adam as Skinner because he's a greedy bitch who can't keep a secret properly.

Lute as Talon Labarthe (Adam's lawyer).

Remy as Lucifer's snake, which I would choose to call Eden, but can really be named anything.

Husk as Pompidou because you should never play cards with him, and he's banned from Las Vegas and Monte Carlo.

Vaggie as Horst because she has a dodgy backstory and could kill you with her thumb.

Angel could work as Lalo because he's as flexible as an acrobat and would get himself fired for dating his boss's son.

Michael as Auguste Gusteau, because Lucifer's actual dad is God and idk how to translate God into this story (there is no god in this story). So, Michael, since they're still related and he would leave Luci his restaurant if he gave a shit about him.

I also noticed that Lucifer would work well as Remy, with the whole disapproving family, and being dreamer and high achiever to a fault. But Remy has no love interest, and as far as I know, the rat colony is basically one big family. So, I'm not manufacturing Rat!Alastor, because incest is Incest Anon's thing and who would I be to take their gimmick. And I'm not insane enough to do Remy!Lucifer x Human!Alastor, so Remy!Lucifer remains a pipedream.

...Though, you could do Remy!Lucifer, Linguini!Charlie and Colette!Vaggie. In which case, Emile!Michael because why not?

Any suggestions for the next movie to watch while I'm redrawing scenes from Ratatouille as Alastor/Lucifer?

-Tired Anon

Anonymous asked:

Watching Ratatouille right now and I don't remember Remy having this many mental problems.

Still not even halfway through but the first variation of the Ratatouille AU is Alastor and Lucifer as the woman pointing a gun at her boyfriend 16 minutes in (Lucifer's holding the gun).

I'd show the scene but can't do that posting anonymously, so here's a reddit post talking about it: https://www.reddit.com/r/Firearms/comments/v4yu5f/just_because_nobody_else_every_asked_can_somebody/

-Tired Anon

Anonymous asked:

Ratouille AU

Actually, one last stupid idea. Skinner!Lucifer (because shortie) x Anton Ego!Alastor.

I'll go now.

-Tired Anon

[btr-rewatch]

Big Time Rush Song Rankings (+ commentary nobody asked for): "BTR"

I was bored. Decided to go through their albums and put them into a list from favorite to least favorite.

"Worldwide": Is it possible this song is overrated and hyped too much? No. This song was on heavy rotation for me from the moment I heard it. Wonderful song, 10/10. Full of love and yearning. Their all white outfits in the music video? Iconic. My mom's friend's daughter went to one of their shows and was picked as the Worldwide Girl, and young me didn't handle that well (I wasn't even AT the concert, so not like I had a chance, but still). I'm almost over it.

"Til I Forget About You": When they would show the music video for this during commercial breaks on Nick, I would leap from the couch and do the dance along with them. There used to be a good analysis post breaking down each of the boys' sections in the song and how it correlates with their personalities in the show and how they deal with heartbreak (there's also one for "Famous" that does the same).

"Big Time Rush": I used to sit on the school bus and stare blankly out the window listening to this one on repeat at like 7:45 in the morning. Just...not even awake yet but psyching myself up to live it big time.

"Famous": This one is pretty much tied with "Big Time Rush" in my head, and I'm tempted to bump it to 3, but the song's theme ultimately wins out. Love this song. Can't help but see it in a weirdly haunting light due to the above mentioned "Famous Analysis" post that I read over and over when I was younger and changed the way I saw the song from that point on. Thank you to Swedish girl-group Play for giving us this song. (I assume most people in the fandom have seen or heard the Play version already but if not, check it out)

"Halfway There": Ok, so. I love this song, but EVERY TIME I listen to it, I'm filled with slight annoyance over the fact that it's the "different" version than was originally released. When this single was released, it was KENDALL who sang the opening lines ("When the chips are down, back against the wall" etc) and then James who did his part later. That's the version I listened to for months before they got rid of it and replaced it with the version that appeared on their album. It was a jarring experience for me, and I've never quite fully recovered. The song will forever sound slightly wrong to me because of it.

"Stuck": Prior to starting this blog and doing the rewatch, I hadn't heard a lot of their songs for years, and I had completely forgotten this one existed. Like, it had been wiped from my brain. Rediscovering it was fun.

"City is Ours": Fun fact-my sister is scarred for life from this song and can no longer listen to it because when she was younger, she used it as her alarm tone to get up for school. It's forever associated with waking up in a panic early in the morning and has been ruined for her since the show's original run.

"This is Our Someday": I feel like this song is one of those forgotten ones. I don't remember it being big either in the show or outside of it back in the day (and it has the second lowest listens on Spotify). I do like it, though. Such a hopeful tune, and the line, "One is good, but four is better?" That's a good one. So true, guys.

"Count on You": This is a sweet one. I LOVE the music video for it in the Jordin Sparks episode. It's just. It's smooth. It feels like silk in my brain, though it's not one of my faves. I especially like how Logan's part, "What would I wanna do that for?" comes right at the "four" mark in their counting. Very nice.

"Big Night": Was never really a fan of this one because something about the way the music is structured bothers me but it's super sing-able, so it gets some props for that.

"I Know You Know": This one was going to be number 12, but it gets a bump up due to the acoustic version from '22 giving me slightly more appreciation for it. My original list didn't even include this song because I totally forgot about it until just now when I was going through the album.

"Oh Yeah": Not much to say about this one. I didn't really listen to it when I was younger because it was a "James song" and he was my least favorite of the guys singing-wise. (I am SORRY James stans) Love the spinning Logan head in the music video, though. I remember the fandom really enjoying that part.

"Nothing Even Matters": I simply don't have feelings about this song one way or another. It's just there.

"Any Kind of Guy": I have bizarre issues with this song. Gives me sensations of unpleasant colors and patterns. Zig-zaggy and burnt orange and brown. Bleh. Last place for "Any Kind of Guy." I think the silly music video with all the costumes didn't help.

[befuddledcinnamonroll]

Wow, this episode of Two Worlds. I wish more people were watching, because it's doing some interesting things. (Though it is intense & violent at times, for those who don't have the bandwidth for such right now, totally understandable).

I'm particularly fascinated with what they're doing around Tai. Because he is getting some heroic framing, yes, but at the same time they are making it pretty clear that he is not a standard "good" guy. Especially after this episode.

He swaps one man about to be murdered for another, with zero concern. And yes, this is the son of the "big boss" so presumably not a bastion of moral goodness himself, but what's interesting is that the show takes no time to establish that for us. He could be a horrible person, he could read to blind orphans in his spare time, they don't specify. And that feels deliberate to me, to avoid making Tai's choices always on the side of "good". He is supposed to be a gray character.

He's soft and emotional under his hard exterior, is utterly whipped for Kram, and he doesn't enjoy killing. He is unable to pull the trigger on Por. But he also doesn't hesitate when he feels it's called for, or when he has no emotional attachment, like when he John Wicks his way through his father's men after his Kram's death, or when he sets up Por through the execution of a bound and helpless man.

And this really makes me think of the Tai from our Kram's original world, and how the two characters are connected, and how it might play out through the series. @laurenkmyers has a great post here reflecting on what the difference is between the two. Love with Kram, yes, but is there more, or is this a matter of perspective and framing?

We know Tai was responsible for Kram's mother's death in some way in the original world (I don't remember them clearly showing it, so there's still a bit of ambiguity around what actually happened). But from that day on Kram saw Tai as a figure to be terrified of, and the scar is a symbol of that. But what is actually there under the surface? The framing of their interactions in the original world made a big deal of their moments in the same space. Was it just foreshadowing for Kram's experiences in the parallel world, or something more?

I have absolutely no idea where we will go in this show, but there is a part of me that feels like we have to return to the origin world at some point. We're only halfway through the series. The direct antagonists are mostly dead. (Phupha's story is still confusing, but I don't know how much we're expected to care at this point).

And we have the setup where we know people can have memories from their self in the other world, we know Kram understands Tai and his background at a much deeper level, and he's inclined to want to help the version of the man he loves in the universe that he is currently in.

It would be devastating to see this Tai lose his Kram again. But I'm also so damn curious to see what Kram in his original world would mean for dark Tai.

[misfitclassismyfreetherapy]

Clara Appreciation Post

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I'm making this as contribution to Mairuma Manga's chapter 304

I'm surprised no one said shit on how Clara saved the day with her optimistic and fun personality. Honestly it was unexpected but also unsurprising and comforting that Clara was the one who stopped them. I genuinely thought Ameri was the one who would interrupt but you know, nevermind.

Also it makes sense in a way, Nishi didn't want to make Clara feel left out in the situation so she dropped the bomb (cliffhanger) on us so we would want to remember and look forward to what happened next and that's when Clara came in. The love trio does have to stick together afterall.

So without further a do here are 5 things I love about Clara Valac! Our adorable little charming playful demon!

Clara's amazing nicknames

These three being the dorks that I wouldn't trade for the world.

Like literally Azz-azz and Irumachi sounds so cute wtf- and like other nicknames Eggy-sensei. It reflects her personality well and actually makes her unique. ( I want to say quirky but it sounds weird so no. )

Her voice actor is also delivering her lines incredibly accurate also her voice actor is also known to voice Valac's entire family. Now that's what I called fucking talent. Since we're getting off-topic, let's move on to the next one.

2. Clara's overlooked selflessness.

I hate seeing Clara cry but I have to like put an image to showcase her selfishness.

You know how the netherworld always say that there are rarely other demons who would care for other people than themselves? If Clara was selfish, she wouldn't care for the other demons consent and she could easily force them to play with her.

But no, she wanted people to play with her with consent. She wants the other demon have fun as much as she has. There are many things that she could do but didn't because she cares for other demons feelings. She is a rare demon that wants to play and both side to have fun.

3. Clara has no doubt that Azz-kun and Iruma loves her.

Her eyes shine with utter confidence.

I don't need to explain much just-

Read this amazing post.

Totally not because I'm lazy. Also credits to @somayants for this masterpiece  🛐 .

4. Clara's unique family.

Shit I forgot the fucking twins-and the fucking brother-

Adorable as fuck. Wholesome as fuck. Cute as fuck.

Also her mum is such a MILF /j

Basically Clara's emotional support team besides the misfit class.

That's all I have to say.

Now I saved my best for last...

5. Clara's patience and endurance.

This is just adorable-

Clara's patience and endurance is honestly so admirable. I kinda lost count on the times, she endured being left out. We know well that Clara loves Iruma and Azz-kun so much that she doesn't want to ever get separated from them.

So the fact that she endured the clinginess of hers and have patience is so amazing of her. She truly does act like the role of the big sister sometimes. Honestly this is probably one of the few things that Clara does better than Azz-kun because let's be honest, he wouldn't last two weeks of separation from Iruma ( without training that is.).

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ENDING

You can tell I lost motivation halfway through that but I really want to finish this so people could appreciate Clara more for who she is, and we wouldn't want to change her for anything.

Also if through chapter 304 I made this as a #ClaraValacAppreciation post. I just made that hashtag myself cause I'm an antisocial idiot.

But if you want to join in on the appreciation of Clara you can! By using this hashtag.

(This is probably gonna flop but I honestly don't care.)

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~Claire has logged off~

[patronsaintofteachercrushes]

9/3

Hi everyone, bet you didn’t expect to hear from me again, but here I am. My last year of high school starts tomorrow and I felt like coming back and saying some things. Some things that I realized and figured could maybe help some of you out there, things that I desperately wanted (needed) to hear when I had an active teacher crush.

This is a long one so please bear with me, I’m not sure any of it really makes any kind of sense. Sorry for any typos.

Firstly, my boyfriend actually broke up with me three days after I last posted. It took me a very long time to get over it, in fact I think I’m still dealing with it. But I wanted to come back and share my experience now that I finally had a taste of what I’d felt like I was missing out on.

Some context: I met my ex almost a whole year before we started dating. It was the 4th of July 2023, and I was still coming to terms with my friend's attachment to L and the fact that I did not have anyone to crush on. I went to the beach with some friends so we could be young and reckless and watch the fireworks and all that good American fun. And then I met him. He was sweet and just cute enough and let me light the fireworks he bought. And nothing happened. I told my friends I thought he was cute and they all said I should go for it but I never did. Until October 2023 when we went to the same Halloween party. He tried talking to me about his car to impress me but I don’t know anything about cars so it didn’t really work, but I still thought he was cute and I tried being near him all night. Again, nothing happened. But I still thought he was cute and all my friends still kept urging me to go for it. In January 2024, he added me on Snapchat and we snapped here and there but still never talked. In April, for my 17th birthday, I was throwing a party, and I was convinced to invite him. It was a whole thing, he came late and only stayed for an hour and the time that I did spend talking to him he told me to fuck off. So I did just that, and I let him go. I was upset, naturally, but our mutual friend was sure he did actually like me so he kept convincing him to reach back out to me. The following month after my birthday party we talked all day every day and by May 26th, we were dating.

So, I had basically the most normal of normal teenage relationships. I wish I could come back here and tell you all that “you’re not missing much.” But that’d be a lie. It was a wonderful, beautiful thing. I miss that feeling very much, the way I felt then was the only thing even halfway parallel to the complete and total rush I’ve felt with older men. So, yes, it is possible to find your fix in other places even though it’s entirely different than you imagined. We cuddled and kissed and held hands and he showed me off to his friends. All my friends were jealous, just like I’d fantasized about. I could say things like “oh my boyfriend loves that!” And “we.” It was all very nice. There was this one time, on our first date, we were walking around the city and it was late on a Friday night, and I had this feeling like all the other couples we passed could tell this was our first date of many more to come. Like they could somehow see through me and him. I don’t remember much of what we’d talked about that night, but I remember also feeling like he was going to be my boyfriend. It was a feeling I’ve never experienced before. With H, of course I’d hoped that we was deviant enough to try and make something out of us, but with my ex, I knew that we would be something. It’s a very strange feeling to know something to be true like that. Ultimately, I think this was one of the major factors of our breakup, the fact that I knew what I wanted and he didn’t.

I thought things would never get any better than this, that I had finally found my person. The women in my family have always found their forevers when they were 17, and I figured I was following suit just like them. Right after he’d asked to be my boyfriend, we explained to each other that we’d both pretty much accepted the fact that we’d never have a high school relationship. We talked about even despite that, we kept praying for one. To me, this was a vow. On June 26th however, he decided he wanted to break up. Basically claiming that he’s too busy and that a relationship isn’t something he wants or needs right now. Which is bullshit and he and I both know it. I’m not sure I’ll ever know his exact reasoning for doing so, but that’s besides the point.

The point is that I did a lot of self reflection in the 2 months we’ve been broken up. Probably more than I have ever done, even more than my reformed thoughts about H. I realized that I do still love older men. I still crave that kind of attention. I still actively seek it out. But it’s different now. I realized that I love the unattainability. I love when things are so far out of reach that I can only stretch and crane and sniff at the ‘what-if’ of it all. I love the security of knowing that it’s not reciprocated, that it cannot be returned. I realized that there is peace in the one-sidedness, because if it never leaves me then I never have to confront it or share it. I can live and love within it. It never has to be anything I don’t want it to be. I can be in control of it.

It’s scary when I know that on the other side, that person is feeling something towards me, and that feeling is now something I do not have any say or power over. It grows and winds through them like the roads of my hometown, familiar and unfamiliar all at once. Familiar because I’ve lived here all my life. And unfamiliar like I’m driving at night and know anything might happen to me. And that feeling inside someone, there’s no guarantee it’s going to stay or look the same way every day, it changes, and I still have no say.

But when it’s with someone who can never feel the way I do, I know exactly how it’ll play out. And it’s rather enjoyable when I know that only I have the cards. It can last for however long I wish it to, there’s no expiration date or trial period. I know that it will be there at the end of the day. I cannot say the same for anyone else’s feelings.

The breakup was so hard on me because he was living, breathing proof that I was capable of being liked. Being seen that way. And it was ripped away from me. I’d finally gotten a taste just for it to all have been for nothing. I’m willing to admit the older men I’ve involved myself with in the past have not liked me that way, I was mysterious and promiscuous and the promise of trouble that they’ve craved since they came into adulthood. I was a sexual desire. I still am that sexual desire to them. I don’t really mind that, it’s a little unfortunate that they’ve never loved me like I’ve loved them, but at the end of the day they’re my own kind of sexual desire too. He was a real person, a real teenage boy who liked me. He validated to me what I had always known deep down, that there wasn’t something horribly wrong within me and that someone out there would want to be with me. Despite it being so fleeting, I owe much of who I am in this moment to him and that relationship.

Seeing as my “roster” cleared just as we entered summer, I had so much time for all the things I had been neglecting. Suddenly I had interest in things again. I remembered how much I liked things like superhero movies and The Doors. I had time to focus on things that weren’t how he (my ex, H, any other man I’ve ever involved myself with) felt about me. It was incredibly freeing. I became a new person and it felt like without my knowledge either because of how long I���d been ignoring it. It was sweet to discover who I’d become since the last time I didn’t have a crush.

But, I really do enjoy and miss having a crush. I like the obsession, how it bleeds into all aspects of my life. It gives me a sense of purpose that I’ve never really experienced before. I don’t really care if it’s “bad” to experience this great longing for someone or something, it gives me something to do that I feel like is worth the time. How wonderful to love so deeply. Who am I to withhold that ? Why should I turn it off or dial it down ? I think there should be love in everything we do, whether it be blaring hot and heavy or a dull murmur, everything we do should be mirrored by the love we feel.

But my crushes have always felt so distinctly different from one another. Partly because they are, an older man and a boy my age, but they are also still two sides of the same coin. When I’d fantasize about H I’d mostly envision a private affair. Spending the weekend in a secluded cabin in the woods. Cooking a meal together and dancing in the kitchen. Talking into the late hours of the night, fucking. Which is not to say that I didn’t picture myself out in public with them, because I did very much wish to have a relationship with H that I didn’t need to hide from anyone and where he didn’t need to keep me a secret, I’d just always pictured that kind of a relationship as personal and intimate. A relationship where I didn’t need to perform, where I could just be me and he could be him and there wasn’t any need for saving face. But because I felt so private about it, it bubbled into something pervasive. It became a compulsive need. I couldn’t control myself around him like I’m usually able to do. And it festered within me, it grew and grew until I no longer had any room for it at all.

By contrast, with teenage boys, my fantasies have always surrounded the appearance to other people. I have always pictured him shaking hands with my father, about him winning his big game and running to find me in the stands and give me a Hollywood kiss. I fantasize about him asking me to a school dance with flowers and a big poster, about all my friends being jealous when they see us or when I post him on social media. But those feelings, those daydreams, they’re all always born out of that craving of normalcy. Whenever I like a boy my age, it’s because I get some misplaced idea that he might like me and I get so excited by this that I take it and run with it until the rose-colored haze dissipates and I’m left with the realization that I’ve spent so much wasted time liking a boy who can never give me what I really desire. But this time it was real, and I could be open about it. And it fizzled out. When my ex and I would kiss, I would feel these tiny little fireworks erupting in my stomach. Kissing him felt like everything that’s good in this world, like puppies and springtime and warm chocolate chip cookies. I’ve kissed my fair share of people, and never has it felt like that. It always felt rushed and hungry, like they were trying to extract something very vital from inside of me. It always felt hot and heavy, especially the times that I’d been with older men. And that was nothing like that. It was light and airy, sort of experimental.

I used to find myself getting very angry that H got to go home and go on with his life while I spiraled out of control and became consumed with thoughts of him. He’d go home to his girlfriend and I came home to a quiet house and an anonymous tumblr blog. I used to find it so extremely unfair, you know ? How come he got to say and do all these things that a teacher shouldn’t and carry on like normal ? How come I was the only one facing the consequences ? How come he got to do this with all his girls ? How come he got to make me feel so much, things I have no name for, no way of describing, and I’d have to just remain his student through it all ? Sit there and take it like a dog with his tail between his legs. I didn’t understand how he got away with it. I still don’t understand how he doesn’t care, how he genuinely couldn’t care less about me. He’ll come back this year and do this same routine over again with another girl just like me and rinse and repeat until he retires. I would get so angry wondering what I would get in return. But I don’t feel that way anymore. I miss it. I miss that feeling. I miss the rage, the hurt, the indescribable yearning, the highest of highs, and lowest of lows. Everything he made me feel, whether knowingly and purposefully or not, I miss. Now I’m mostly just mad that I never understood what he was begging me to know. I’m mad that I pushed him away at all. I’d say I’m mad I even met him, but that’d be a lie too. I don’t regret knowing him, not even a little bit. I don’t regret what I felt, what he made me feel. Even when I felt disgusted by him I never regretted any of it. All the times I screamed no I really was screaming yes.

And now I’m a senior. And I don’t have any male teachers. I did end up having J as my 1st period, but I’m not exactly happy about it. J is confusing. He’s too innocent. There’s absolutely nothing there besides a genuine love for teaching. And while that’s admirable, I don’t think it will grow into something. I don’t have any other male teachers besides that. So I’m really not sure what I’m going to do. I plan on visiting H, but I doubt it will really hold me over. I think what most of us like so much about teachers specifically is that we see them so frequently and it’s a guarantee most of the time. I won’t have that anymore. So, I’m feeling pretty lost. Which I bet is a reallllll shocker. I swear I am always feel confused and torn.

Anyway, I guess maybe what I’m trying to say with all of this is that maybe we’re not crazy for this. I think many of us are here and experiencing these feelings because we were born tilted towards the ‘what-if’ and I don’t think that’s necessarily a bad thing. I think we’re allowed to feel this way towards others. I think that sometimes this is natural. I mean, I got a taste of what it was like, what we watch everyone around us experience while we remain silent and passive, and I still ended up back here the same as I’ve ever been. So can it really be that wrong ? Is it possible to love someone wrong ? Does any of it really matter in the long run ? That I spent a long time devoting myself to someone despite it not being reciprocated ? How bad can that be ? How can love ever be wrong ? On a basis, I do understand where people are coming from when they make exposés on the teacher crush community, but really, I think they haven’t the faintest fucking clue what this side of tumblr really is.

[vee-beeee]

Snow Day

HELLO

Im back with more, also im working on getting an AO3 account so ill be posting a lot here

This is another fluffy one, then its back to goofy crime scenarios

Premise: It's a snow day, you go sleding, and you win a very intense snowball fight. (feat. hank and sumo)

Conner and Nines x reader

Warnings: fluff, like so much fluff, snowball fights and maybe one or two swear words. You never know with hank

2k words baby

edit: i wanted to get this out sooner but my POWER WENT OUT. Also I honestly don't know how to feel about this but I worked hard so here it issss hope it's not to cringeee

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You woke up to your alarm blaring through a sleepy room. You noticed it, started to stir, and then instantly fell asleep again. Totally on accident! And usually someone would wake you up before you fell asleep. Strange.

Later, you opened your eyes again slowly, feeling yourself sprawled out on your bed. You felt the hard pillow you were on moving, like it was talking or something. Blinking and looking up, you see a pair of honey brown eyes and a smile that could rival the sun looking back.

Oh. Your pillow was Conner.

You smiled back, and then in point 2 seconds realized how horrible you probably looked. You instantly started wiping your face, realizing you had totally drooled on him a little.

You heard a gentle voice, filled with delight, calling your name. You looked back at Conner and he asked you why you were rubbing your face so hard.

"I probably look horrible Conner that's why" you laughed a little while you said it, averting your gaze to anywhere but him. But a loving hand came to redirect your face to look at him again.

"I think you look adorable when you sleep, especially when you use me as a pillow. Problem solved." He did his little lopsided smile, LED a calm blue, and you instantly melted. What did you do to deserve him and Nines.

Wait where was Nines?

You guessed you accidently asked that out loud because you got a response. You were still super sleepy.

"He's making breakfast. We may have had a slight kerfuffle on who gets to snuggle with you for the morning. But he's better at cooking anyway." You guys shared another smile and you scooted up on his body to press a kiss to his cheek. His LED flashed amber and he grinned blissfully at you. You really got to admire his sleepy form now, his brown hair was messed up and he was only wearing a white shirt and black sweatpants. You approve this fit. You guys were so busy staring at each other like love sick teenagers you didn't here someone walk in the room and grab your feet. You yelped as you were dragged off of Conner while he fake reached for you. You fell off the bed on a pile of blankets and looked up to see a similar handsome face smirking at you.

"When your done gawking at each other, I made you special pancakes."

You instantly shot up and fell a little at your speed. A hand reached out to stabilize you by grabbing your wait and you blushed, quietly asking if it was okay to hug him and he nodded softening up a little. You hugged him and kissed his chest, quickly grabbing a blanket off the floor and wrapping it around yourself, before hurrying excitedly out of your guys' shared room. You made it halfway down the hallway before remembering a VERY important aspect of your life.

"WORK" was all you managed to yell out before running to the kitchen to look at the clock hung on the wall. It read 10:34 and you almost fainted. You were supposed to be in the station at 7:00 sharp.

You were still staring at the clock when your boys walked in, looking at you in amusement.

"We decided to surprise you and we all have the day off." Nines simply stated, arms crossing over his chest to gaze at you.

"Its a perfect day for it too, look outside" was what Conner said before walking to wrap his arms around your blanketed body. You turned to look over your kitchen island, to your ceiling to floor windows in your apartment.

It was snowing. Hard.

You laughed with amazement, it looked beautiful. Like how winters looked in your childhood memories. You felt Conner's arms release you, and you gravitated towards the window when you heard a throat clearing. You whipped around to Nines who was looking at you with amusement and handing you a plate of the most delicious looking pancakes known to man. You quickly took it and gawked at the pancakes, they looked and smelled amazing. Thanking him like 30 times while he chuckled, you sat down at the kitchen island facing the windows so you could watch the snow come down. You had your blanket draped over you while you ate, and that made everything extra cozy. You moaned on the first bite, Nines was genuinely a really good cook. Besides being programmed to know a few basic meals, he also explored this hobby after full deviancy. He really enjoyed it as an activity for himself.

While you were eating, Conner came to sit next to you and slid a mug of Hot Coco over to you. It even had SPRINKLES on it. Were you dreaming still?

He gave you another signature sun boy smile when you looked at him with the biggest, heartfelt gaze you could muster. He and Nines just talked to each other while you ate. You always felt a little awkward eating around them because they couldn't. But they said they just enjoyed watching you, Nines specifically appreciated being able to have you taste test what he made.

You overheard them discussing what to do that day, and you quickly swallowed another bite and piped up

"It's snowing, we could go sledding in the park! Or make snowman, or snowball fight" you started rattling off ideas and the androids turn to watch how excited you looked when talking about the activities. That basically settled what you all were doing that day.

You spent an hour getting ready with the boys, both of them making sure you were wrapped up tight. They also had turned their internal body temperature up, so when you held hands theirs would be warm. It would also help so their internal systems would not freeze, but it would have to be super cold for that to happen. They still dressed in jackets a beanies, to match you.

After Nines had teased you for walking like a penguin with how many jackets and snow pants Conner had fastened you up with, you guys were ready to go. As you were waddling through the door, you realized embarrassingly late that you didn't have a sled. You expressed this concern to the boys and Conner quickly answered

"We can always go to the store to get one, and when I had done an internet search on snowman making I learned that a carrot is needed to complete the look. We can get more decorations for them also."

You gave him a big dopey grin, loving the thought that Conner had literally done research on how to make snowmen. Soon you were out the door and into Conner's car.

He had an awesome sleek black one, that you named the Bat Mobile. It was full of cool gadgets and was super safe (he picked it out because of its specifically because of that). You were just happy that you got to play your music.

You got in the passenger seat, having yelled out "shot gun" upon seeing the car parked in the apartments lower level garage. Nines grumbled but followed the rules and sat in the back like a good sport. You sent him an apologetic glance after sitting in your seat, but he returned it with a glare so you stuck your tongue out at him in retaliation. He then proceeded to roll his eyes half heartedly and chuckle.

You turned back around and put on your favorite song. Conner set the car to auto drive to the nearest winter store. He gently leaned back in his seat and moved his head slightly to watch you hum along to the song and move your shoulders in tune with the music. You didn't see it, to focused on the window and snowy world outside, but Nines saw. He smirked and started a secret conversation with him, LED blinking

"You're grinning like and idiot right now." Conner turned around to frown at him.

"You would be to, she looks so adorable dancing to her music. I do have to say, her music taste is more delightful than Hanks". Nines rolled his eyes and looked over to see you putting your hands in the air for a mock imitation of singing. He chuckled and stared at you a bit before basically hearing Conner smiling smugly at him.

"See?" He raised his eyebrows in a questioning glance.

"I understand now" Nines admitted, leaning back in his seat. He realized he had moved forward a bit to look at you. A slight smile on his face, he crossed his arms. Conner looked back to the road ahead of him and realized they were close.

You guys pulled in just as your song finished. You had really gotten into the song for a second, you probably looked silly. You noticed the seat next to you was empty and then remembered, Conner always rushed out the door so he could hold yours open.

Like a GENTLEMAN.

You giggled when he opened the door and you got out with a little bow and thanked him. He blushed blue as his LED stuttered amber and you kissed his cheek, making everything worse for his poor systems. He rushed to say something, but you were already on your way to the store with Nines at your side. He locked up the car, smile on his face and hurried after you guys.

After securing the sled and some snowman decorations, you all got back in the car. You volunteered to be in the back since Nines had been so nice to let you in the front last time. He said that it wasn't necessary, but you were insistent. So he relented.

The store wasn't far from the park, and you all got out of the car once again. As you got out, you basically took 3 steps before falling backwards into the snow. You started making a snow angel when Conner and Nines, holding your supplies, looked down on you from above with amusement on their features.

You chuckled and Conner held out a hand to help got you up, and you graciously took it. You looked out at the park, filled with suprisingly few people and whispered under your breath

"Let the games beign"

(a little later)

"Conner I cant do it! He's too fast!"

"Yes you can! Just hide behind that tree on your way to the flag and he should miss you."

A faint voice across the field yelled out

"I can hear you guys. I was made with advanced hearing."

Conner and you shared an eye roll, and then he kissed your temple good luck.

Currently, you were in a fierce capture the flag meets snowball fight battle against Nines. You and Conner teamed up because Nines was basically a 5 man team. He told you he would try his best to go easy on you, but you had told him not to. You remembered that time fondly. You had been so confident.

"Y/N he's coming out of his fort! Go Go!"

You let out a battle cry and ran across the wooded part of the park and heard Nines foot steps thundering behind you. You felt something whizz past your face, not hitting you but sending a threatening point. You wheezed a laugh out and ducked behind a tree. You could hear Nines slow and walk towards the tree you were hiding behind. He was just teasing you now. This was the feared deviant hunter, one of the most advanced androids, a more advanced model than Conner himself. But....

He had fallen into your trap. Because waiting around another tree was none other than Hank himself.

He came over to the park on his lunch break and brought Sumo, and he was happy that it had snowed so much so he wanted to enjoy it. It had been a tough day of teaching a new recruit, so when Conner said you guys were at the park having a snowball fight he was so there. Hank didn't want to miss the opportunity to pummel Nines in the face with a snowball.

Just when Nines started creeping around and grabbed your arm, you screamed

"HANK NOW" Nines jumped around, trying to evade this new attack, but it was to late. He got smacked in the face by 3 snowballs. 1 from Hank, who was currently laughing his head off, and 2 from Conner who had also snuck up behind Nines while you were hiding.

Nines groaned in frustration and you bounced out of his grip to run over and capture the flag from his fort. You bolted over to Hank and Conner, shooting your arms up into the air in triumph, holding the prized flag. Conner stood and watched you while grinning and Hank shot middle fingers to the sky, completing his task of hitting Nines in the face. A totally Hank thing.

Nines came and patted you on the back, and you gave him a quick peck on the cheek for being a good sport. He blushed a teeny, tiny amount and looked away with his LED blinking amber and brows furrowed.

Hank had to go back to work, but he left Sumo with you guys. Your boys decided they wanted to go sledding, so you found a great hill in the park.

"Okay so tuck your legs in, and keep them in the vehicle at all times." you were currently instructing Nines how to sit in the sled, you were in the front and he was behind you. Conner stood with Sumo, waiting his turn. Nines wrapped his arms and legs around you, with a surprising amount of protectiveness and strength, and you shivered when he breathed down your neck. He chuckled and saw the opportunity to catch you by surprise. He unwrapped his arms from around you and used them to suddenly push the sled down the hill.

You screamed in shock and clawed at the arms that had re-wrapped around you. He "offed" out in surprise as you guys hit some rocks hidden in the snow. You shrieked out in excitement as you spun the rest of the way down the hill and sled to a stop. You heard laughing and barking from far away while Nines wrapped his arms around you again and kissed you hair. You sunk into his strong front and sighed.

Next was Conner's turn. And he was ready.

You got in the same position you were in with Nines and snuggled in. Conner waited until you were ready to push you guys off, a curtesy a CERTAIN SOMEONE had not shown. As you were speeding down the hill, some barking could be heard behind you. You shifted to turn in Conner's grip, which caused him to turn also, and saw Sumo was chasing the sled. You and Conner laughed in delight, watching the dog bark furiously and get closer to the sled. You both were so busy looking at Sumo that you didn't see where you were going. You realized way to late, that you guys were heading

RIGHT for a tree.

"TREEE" you yelled and Conner quickly jumped into action to untuck his legs and hit the breaks. You skid to a stop just as the nose of your sled kissed the oak. You heard cackling from up the hill and felt something wet on your cheek. Sumo was licking your face. Conner chuckled and pet the dog, asking if you were okay. You leaned into him and delivered a thumbs up into his face. Which made him laugh harder.

The last thing to do was make snowmen. But what Nines and Conner didn't know, was you were making snow androids.

You were making them.

You guys went you separate ways so you all could surprise each other with your creations. You found a secluded spot in the woods and quickly got to work.

After a couple minutes, you were getting tired from rolling the snow. But you needed to push on. The Snowdroids needed to be perfect.

Finally, after 20 minutes, they were complete. Conner's was slightly shorter, having buttons and a carrot nose with a blue jellybeans LED. ( You wanted a snack earlier and decided to use every material on hand for making snowmen)

Nines was taller, he had 2 sets of buttons and a regular carrot nose. But you had added furrowed branch brows on him. Then you added the blue jellybeans final touch.

You were extremely proud of yourself. Your snowdroids looked awesome. You were patting yourself on the back for your work when 2 sets footprints crunching the snow graced your ears.

You turned and saw Nines and Conner approaching with sumo, and staring at your snowdroids.

"Y/n.." Conner started, walking to his and admiring it.

"I do not look this angry all the time" Was Nines response, but he was smirking looking at his. You and Conner turned at the same time to say a quick "yes you do" and he huffed.

"Dear this is a perfect, accurate representation of my likeness" Conner took your gloved hand in his and kissed your head. You felt yourself go flush and Nines came to do the same. They then took mental pictures, while you took an actual pictures, and you 3 (and sumo) started off to see Conner and Nines creation.

On the way they revealed that they had teamed up to create you. You expressed how cute that was and finally caught a glimpse of it.

It looked exactly like you, it was adorable. Stick hair, buttons, extra details, with a carrot noise.

You laughed in amazement "You guys this looks so good!" You immediately started taking pictures and doing poses with it while Nines and Conner shared a chuckle.

Eventually you started to get really cold, and it was late, so Conner and Nines took you to your guys' shared home. Not before making a pitstop to drop Sumo of to Hank.

Your home looked so cozy, so much in fact, that you didn't even bother taking off your gear and threw yourself, face first, on the ground next to a heater. You heard 2 muffled voices talking and felt your boots being taken of by gentle hands. You rolled over to look at Conner and smiled at him. He lazily returned it and unzipped your jacket while Nines came into your vision holding one of the comfiest looking blankets ever, You got out of your wet clothes and were left in your underwear, so Conner gave you some clothes. A mix of his and Nines clothes actually. You quickly put on Conner's sweatpants, and Nines sweater. You three all got on the couch and the boys turned their body heat up. The surrounded you and wrapped you up snuggly in their arms.

You fell asleep hearing them talking, the sound of the dishwasher going, a heaters fan whirring, and watching snow come down outside.

It was an awesome snow day.

And down in the darkness of night were three snowman. One looked like it had been completely picked up and moved so it could be with the other three, and they were all holding hands.

-----------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Okay so I failed at making it short.

SORRY for plot holes or spelling errors.

THANKS FOR READING

edit edit: DUDE I COMPLETLY FORGOT ABOUT THE FLAG IN THE CAPTURE THE FLAG PART i cannot

[thevoiceinyourheadx]

Birthday Wishes

SURPRISE!

Happy birthday @wheresarizona !

I’m incredibly pleased I managed to finish this in time given my history of never finishing any fic I start, but this was based on a valentine-related comment you made (if I could remember the post I’d link it), so it only felt right to post it for your birthday.

rating: EXPLICIT (18+ only) (also probably terribly written smut, you’ve been warned 😅), unbeta’d mess, possibly inconsistent characterisation, I tried to not use many descriptors for reader but there is a mention of hair, I literally have no idea what I’m doing, please be gentle on me 😖

The first thing you noticed when you walked through the door were the candles. The lights were off, so the only source in the apartment came from the soft glow of what must be dozens of candles, scattered around on almost every surface. You didn’t even know you owned this many candles, and the image it conjured of your boyfriend going candle shopping brought a smile to your face.

As if he could sense your thoughts, the man in question appeared from the kitchen, wearing your favourite shirt of his. Javier watched you with a fond smile as you hung up your jacket and bag and moved to join him, meeting you halfway. As soon as you were in reach, his arms wrapped around you, pulling you in for a deep kiss that left you breathless.

“Welcome home, cariño.”

“Hmm, what a welcome.” It took you several seconds before your brain caught up and you opened your eyes, but when you did you found Javier looking at you with total adoration. “What’s all this for?”

“I know you said you didn’t want to do anything special for your birthday,” his face turned serious “but you do so much for me, I just thought – I wanted to do something nice for you. You deserve it.”

“You’re such a softie.” You teased, though inside you were positively glowing at his words.

“Yeah, well, don’t tell anyone.” He grumbled, though his grin gave him away. He kissed you quickly before taking your hand in his. “Dinner’s almost ready – I made your favourite.”

“You’re feeding me too? What did I do to deserve this?” You teased, and Javier just chuckled.

You followed him into the kitchen, and were met with a mouth-watering smell, as well as the sight of dozens more candles, some in the kitchen, more in the dining room and the lounge – they were everywhere.

“Javi - how many candles did you light?”

“You don’t like them?” He frowned, visibly upset that he might’ve gotten something wrong, and your heart melted for your sweet, thoughtful boyfriend.

“No! I mean- I love them, I love everything you’ve done, I just- one of us is going to have to be the responsible one and make sure they’re all out before we get anymore…distracted.”

A smirk made its way onto his lips as he stepped closer to you, his hands finding their way to your hips and pulling you against him. “Distracted, huh?” He leaned in until your noses were touching, lips just millimetres from yours. “Why, are you planning on…distracting me?”

“Me? A distraction?” You said softly, as Javier leaned towards you always subconsciously. Before your lips could touch, you pulled away. “What’s burning?”

It took a second for his brain to catch up, before his eyes widened and he dashed over to the stove.

“Fuck!” He cursed, quickly checking everything over as you giggled. When he realised that nothing was, in fact, burning, he turned back to you with a pout.

“That wasn’t very nice, cariño.”

“I’m sorry.” You said, wrapping your arms around his waist, pressing a kiss to his jaw. “Forgive me?”

“Hmm, I don’t know…” he teased, pretending to think about it, though his grin gave him away. You leaned up to press your lips to his, and he quickly reciprocated, deepening the kiss as his tongue sought entrance to your mouth, his hand cupping your cheek and tilting your head to give him better access. You only broke apart when you started to get lightheaded, both of you slightly breathless, pupils blown wide.

“That’s better.” He teased, nipping at your lip playfully. “Now, stop distracting me before I actually burn something.” He gave your ass a quick tap before turning back to the stove.

“You really didn’t have to do all this, Javi.” You said, still slightly dizzy as you leaned up against the counter. You surveyed the scrawled, handwritten recipe and the various ingredients scattered across the benchtop. “Honestly, I’m happy just to spend time with you.”

“I wanted to.” He said simply.

“Can I at least help with something? Do you want me to-” you picked up the empty chopping board and moved towards the sink, wanting to get started on the dishes so there was one less thing for him to think about. Javier quickly caught you by the waist, spinning you back around to face him.

“I have everything under control.” He took the board from your hand, gently placing it aside. “Tonight is about you. You don’t have to do anything.”

“Are you sure? I could-” he cut you off with a kiss, gently pushing you towards the dining table, which was already set with a vase of your favourite flowers and a glass of your favourite wine.

“The only thing you need to do,” he said, helping you into your chair before handing you your glass. “Is sit there and relax.” He gave you one last kiss before returning to the kitchen.

A dreamy smile made its way onto your face as you reached out and gently touched one of the blooms, before your attention turned back to the man in the kitchen. Though you couldn’t see his face from your position, you could picture his expression as he flitted about – brows pinched, lips turned down in the slightest of frowns as he concentrated on each step of the recipe. Javier always gave his all to any task he undertook, and cooking was no different. You felt incredibly privileged to be the one to receive all his care and attention.

Dinner passed quickly as Javier asked about your day and grumbled about how many stores he had to go through to find your favourite candles, and you gushed over how amazing the food was. When you’d first met, you never would’ve thought Javier was much of a cook, but he managed to surprise you. Everything was cooked to perfection, and he even had your favourite dessert – though he sheepishly admitted to having bought that, not willing to risk messing it up. Your heart melted at the lengths he Javier went to for you.

When dinner was finished, Javier was quick to gather up the dishes, refusing to let you even touch them. You followed him into the kitchen, glass in hand, as he stacked them neatly by the sink before turning back to you.

“I know you’re probably tired, but I was thinking I could draw you a bath?”

You took a sip of your wine, looking at him conspiratorially. “That depends…will you be joining me?”

He chuckled, his eyes darkening. “Of course, baby. I said I was taking care of you, didn’t I?”

Several minutes later, you were sinking into the warm, sweet-scented water with a sinful moan, letting Javier wrap his arms around you and pull you into his chest. You relaxed against him, head tipping back onto his shoulder, and he pressed a kiss to your forehead.

“Feel good, cariño?” He chuckled.

“It’s perfect.” You moaned, sinking into his embrace. “You’re too good to me.”

He placed a kiss on your shoulder, arms tightening around your waist to pull you impossibly closer.

“You deserve it.” He murmured against your skin. “You’re amazing – you’re gorgeous, you’re smart, you’re funny, you manage to put up with all my shit - you are so fucking incredible, baby. You deserve everything.” He said the last part softly, so softly you weren’t sure you were meant to hear it.

Lifting his arms from your waist, you turned around, legs moving to frame his hips as your hands came up to cup his cheeks.

“I have everything I need right here.” You said, before leaning in to kiss him gently. “You are an incredibly thoughtful, caring, hot, and kind man. I’m so lucky to have you in my life.”

Instead of replying, he surged up to press his lips to yours, his arms tightening around you to pull you flush against him. You moaned when one of his hands slid up to your breast, squeezing it, and he took the opportunity to slip his tongue into your mouth.

It didn’t take long for you to feel his cock hardening against you, and rolled your hips against it, both of you breaking from the kiss to moan at the sensation. His mouth immediately began to trail down your neck, before wrapping around your nipple, his hand coming up to gently flick the other one. The action went straight to your core, and it took all your willpower to not just give in to the sensation – but you had other plans. Javier was so distracted by your breast that he didn’t notice when your attention shifted. But between his thick length pressed against your core and how incredibly sweet and thoughtful he’d been all evening, you were desperate to have his cock in your mouth, to worship him and show him just how much you appreciated him.  

Javier hissed when your hand wrapped around his cock, mouth popping off your nipple and eyes rolling shut as you pumped it a couple times. You leaned forward to kiss his jaw, right at the spot that drove him crazy.

“I want to suck your cock, baby.” You said, your mouth moving down his neck, much like he’d done to yours earlier. “Let me take care of you, Javi.” You purred, giving his cock a few languid strokes. You could see Javier visibly struggle to control himself, and you smirked.

As much as he wanted to let you continue using your hands – fuck, or your mouth – he wanted to take care of you first. Reluctantly, he pulled your hand from his cock, inwardly grinning at your resulting pout. He took a moment to compose himself before he opened his eyes, his eyes nearly black with lust.

“As much as I love your mouth, baby,” he said, nipping at your lips to punctuate his point, “I’m taking care of you tonight. And I think I’m going to start by eating that gorgeous pussy.” You hadn’t even noticed his hand had moved until he was cupping your mound, causing you to moan. “That’s it.” He smirked. “Go dry off and get on the bed. You’re coming at least three times before I fuck you.”

You both scrambled out of the tub none too gracefully, far too eager to have his mouth on you – Javier was an incredibly thorough lover, and he seemed to genuinely love eating you out. He wrapped you in a towel, drying you off between kisses – and taking the opportunity to keep his hands on you, cupping your breast and squeezing your ass. With a final smack to your ass – he couldn’t help himself – he pushed you towards the bedroom, drying himself as he followed you, admiring the view as he went.

You smiled softly when you entered the bedroom, finding it lit with your favourite candles, crimson rose petals scattered on the bed. Who knew your boyfriend was such a romantic?

In your distraction you didn’t notice when Javier came up behind you, wrapping his arms around you and kissing your neck.

“I believe I told you to get on the bed.” He murmured against your skin.

“I was admiring your handiwork.” You said, hand reaching back to tangling in his hair. “You are so ridiculously sweet.”

“I’m about to fuck your brains out, how is that sweet?” He groused, and you grinned, turning to kiss him. His hands quickly went to your ass, kneading at them as he walked you back towards the bed. As soon as your knees hit the mattress, you sank down on it, hands immediately going to his cock where it bobbed against his stomach, long and thick and already dripping precum. You leaned forward to lick a stripe up his length, his hand fisting in your hair as you swirled your tongue around the head, licking up the pearly droplets. Before you could take it into your mouth fully, Javi was pulling your head away, leaning over you to pull you into a sloppy, open mouthed kiss. He hooked his hands under your thighs, and you squealed when he hauled you up the bed and climbed over you, before leaning back to admire his work.

Your hair was splayed around you like a halo, the movement of the mattress causing the petals to dot your tresses like stars. Your eyes were dark and wide with arousal and your lips swollen from kisses. Your legs were slightly parted, and his hands immediately moved to pull them apart further, and you let him eagerly. He stared at your drenched core, licking his lips in anticipation. As much as he said that tonight was for you, he was just as eager – if not more – to taste you.

“Fuck, look at you, baby.” He whispered reverently, swiping two fingers through your drenched folds. “You’re dripping already.”

“You did promise to fuck me.” You challenged, propping yourself up on your elbows. “ ‘Fuck my brains out’, I believe you said.” You raised your eyebrow in a challenge.

“If I recall correctly,” he said lowly, “You need to come for me three times before you get my cock.” He said, his fingers moving up to circle your clit. You bucked your hips, head falling back to the mattress. “You can do that for me, right baby?” You groaned at his teasing.

“Fuck, Javi – I need you.” You whined, hips rolling into his hand, desperate for something, anything. You felt like he’d been teasing you for hours.

He took mercy on you, fingers gathering more of your slick before rubbing over your clit. His other hand pinned your hips to the bed, forcing you to stay still as he watched your face twist in pleasure. It didn’t take long for him to work you into a frenzy – you were gasping his name, fists clenched in the sheets, brows pinched – and suddenly his mouth was on you, latching on to your clit, and you came with a breathless cry, your hips desperately bucking against his mouth as he licked you through it, not stopping to let you catch your breath. He dove straight back in, hands gripping your hips and holding you to his mouth, licking through your folds and flicking your clit with his tongue, building you to another orgasm without pausing for breath. When you came into his mouth he groaned, his hand reaching down to squeeze his cock, trying to hold off his own orgasm. He continued to lap at your folds, drinking up every last drop, until your hand tangled through his hair and weakly pushed him away.

“Fuck, Javi, please.” You begged. “I need you inside me.” He shook his head.

“You can give me another one, can’t you baby?” He said, and flicking your clit once more, you weren’t sure whether the moan you let out was from disappointment or anticipation.

Javier didn’t wait for you to answer, he simply dove back in again, working you through the aftershocks until you could feel the tell-tale signs of another orgasm building. This time, he pushed a thick finger into you, then a second, groaning when he felt your walls clench around them. He pumped his fingers in and out as he continued to suck at your clit, before suddenly curling them, finding a spot inside you that had you instantly reaching your peak, vision turning white and back arching off the bed as you came around his fingers. It took you several long minutes to come down from your high, your chest heaving and breaths coming out in little pants as Javier finally pulled his mouth from you, placing a gentle kiss to the inside of your thigh before lifting his head to look at you.

You couldn’t help the breathless giggle that came out when his head emerged from between your thighs.

“That’s not the reaction I was hoping for.”

“You- you have a petal-” you giggled, gesturing to your own lips. He frowned, swiping his thumb over his lips, and your giggles turned into full blown laughter as he tried to shake the errant petal from his thumb – but it refused to budge, a thin layer of your slick making it stick.

Javier grumbled, resorting to wiping it off on the sheet, making a mental note to never try rose petals again, ‘romantic’ advice be damned. But any hint of annoyance melted away the second his gaze returned to you; you have a soft smile on your lips and are looking up at him with such adoration. Stray petals forgotten, he leant down to capture your lips, hand cradling your cheek as if you were the most precious thing in the world – and to him, you were. He poured every ounce of emotion into the kiss, telling you with his actions what he couldn’t put into words. He had no idea what he did to deserve someone like you, to deserve your love. But as he drew away to look at your blissed out face beneath him, he vowed to spend the rest of his life making sure he was worthy of you.

[i-am-a-living-god]

Would you...Share the plot of a story/fic/comic you don't think you'll get to but would like the world to know about?

Ok I didn't answer this at first because I didn't think I had an answer. But now I remember that I do!

So about a year ago me and two other people came up with this au that we named evil Splinter au, (very creative I know.) E.S AU for short.

So the premise is exactly what it sounds like. It's a 2012 au, but because the three of us have an unexplained burning hatred for 2012 Splinter, so we made him evil.

So the deal is, Splinter hates kids, and he's racist, against mutants. One problem, he has mutant kids. So naturally, he decides to MURDER ALL OF HIS TURTLE SONS. Bear with me, he gets attached to the idea of having only one son. so he decided to find the strongest, and weed out the weak.

So when the turtles were young (about 4 years old) he thought that Donnie was the strongest, cause he's tall. But when they got older, Splinter realized that tall does not make you strong. He realized this cause Donnie started getting into medicine, which is for losers. So he stopped loving him, and found a new favorite: Leo.

So Leo ran into the kraang when he was a lil guy, and got experimented on or something. He waddled back to the lair, (because they're basically invulnerable, cause if they died we wouldn't have a plot.) Splinter recognized this as strength, and appointed him as him new favorite. Basically, Splinter tries to get his favorite to help him kill the others.

Omg he's so pathetic lol, he needs the help of a literal child to kill other children, which he still fails to do somehow???😭

So Leo kind of is rewired by the kraang to follow orders for them, but they failed to keep him and he immediately escaped. (Plot armor, don't question it!) Because of this, his eyes shift between pink and blue, blue means he's mostly in control, and pink means the kraang-washing is in control.

Donnie ditches and makes friends with April and Casey, and they get into a relationship. He tries to find a way to fix Leo, and save his brothers or something. He doesn't like Mikey cause he's "suspicious" and Donnie thinks he's totally secretly working for Splinter.

Mikey is just totally freaked out, and also ditchs, and befriends leatherhead, and other mutants. He gets a bit paranoid and starts putting little bits of different Poison's in his brothers food, to build an immunity. It works I guess.

Raph has no idea that Splinter is trying to kill them and just thinks that Splinter is giving them some hardcore training, where you even need to be alert while you sleep!

Leo knows exactly what's going on, and tries his best to find loopholes in Splinters commands, and always manges to understand usually the opposite of what Splinter tells him. (I want you to know that this concept started when we were talking about how splinter is cryptic af, and Leo always seems to understand the opposite in the show.) Leo will also often take killing blows for his brothers, that's how they are still alive. Since Splinter doesn't want to kill Leo, he will often stop the swing before it lands of halfway through so Leo doesn't die. Leo basically uses his own body as a shield.

Anyway that's it mostly, we all made a bit of art, and one-shots for this au that never got posted cause it's a shared au, it would be awkward.

Umm I'm literally writing this at 1am, yes I'm aware that this all sounds ridiculous, especially how I'm writing it. But I do like this au, cringe for the winnn!!! There is more lore shit that I can't remember. And a lot of the stuff that we wrote about it was good (not mine though, that was shit.)

So yeah, heres our shitty au. Ta-da!

Oh yeah I forgot to tag @writing-biting who was one of the people who helped make the au lol.